Rincewind the Wiz(z)ard

And what a short and terrible profession that has been, let me tell you. [bitter, biting defeat laced through every word, sarcasm so rich and thick you could drizzle it over waffles. They aren't speaking in public; there's no point pretending.] It was a bit like being a royal taste tester for poison, only without even the benefit of free food.

But congratulations. The campaign's over. You beat the potent opposition of a dog and an old man who looks one evil laugh away from locking princesses in towers.