Oh, you poor thing. [not even bothering to hide that sarcasm.] I can't think of anything that would be worse to go through. Certainly not being sent to take part in someone else's bloody revolution all because some kind-hearted idiot you were friends with years ago wrote fantastic lies about you in a country where you can lose your head for just looking up at the wrong person.

[Rincewind pauses for breath, considers continuing his rant - and then just drowns himself in wine again. He'll need to find the bottle, at this rate.]