IC CONTACT

[wizzardly]

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Comments

[kickingand]

And here you two seem like such good buddies.

[wizzardly]

It may not have occurred to you that being publicly respectful to a murderous, all-powerful being is safer for one's health than the alternative.

[kickingand]

I shot him point blank range about four years ago and lived to tell the tale. I don't do publicly respectful.

[wizzardly]

Well goody for you. You'll forgive me if I don't follow a dead man's example.

[kickingand]

Because i'm sure faking it for him makes him feel so much better.

[wizzardly]

I don't care at this point. The best I can do is not piss him off further and fade quietly into obscurity. So that's what I bloody well plan to do.

[kickingand]

And you're doing such a good job of it.

[ how do you think he found you, buddy ]

[wizzardly]

Please, as what I can only assume is his lap dog, do give me any advice you have on the matter.

[baetiful]

All I will say is the last I heard of his whereabouts, he found himself captured by slavers who wished to cut off his cock and fetch a good price for it. While I still remain in the Lannister's good graces.

[ And then, cruelly: ]

I wonder what price Lucifer might pay for your cock. If a dwarf's is said to house magical power, I imagine it can be said a wizard's is twice as powerful.

[kickingand]

Would if I could. But you are kinda fun to watch.

[wizzardly]

...I have to wonder when I became so bloody entertaining to everyone.

[wizzardly]

[...well this has taken a turn. Rincewind wishes he had a good retort for that, but honestly the implications here are somewhat unsettling and also, well, let's be frank: talk of losing one's cock tends to promote caution in a man.]

...A few things there. The first I should mention is that having spent a fair bit of time in taverns with dwarves, I can assure you that the only things magical about them are there livers. Certainly not their cocks. I assume. That last bit goes double for wizards. So. No sale value there.

[a nervous beat.]

...The second would be that you are indeed implying you had this man exiled or otherwise sold into slavery? Am I getting that right?

[kickingand]

Maybe it's a talent you should market.

[wizzardly]

I can hear the punchline coming. Something to do with children's birthday parties, am I right?

[kickingand]

You're the one who said it, not me.

[wizzardly]

And have you found something to do with your time? Outside of whatever Lucifer has you doing. Which would be... fanning him, I'd suppose? Washing his windows?

[kickingand]

[ Can you hear him grinning. Can you. Can. You. ]

You mean apart from getting laid? I don't know, is there something else i'm supposed to be doing?

[wizzardly]

- Right, never mind, forget I asked.

[let's not stumble into a chat about Dean's sex (after)life.]

[kickingand]

Hey, you brought it up. [ Is that a pun? Was it intended? We'll never know. ] Not nearly often enough apparently, considering i'm here talking to you.

[wizzardly]

[terrible, Dean. Terrible.]

Which, I have to point out, is not going to aid that particular situation.

[kickingand]

[ He tries. ]

Believe me, I don't need any additional help at this point.

[wizzardly]

...Oh don't tell me you have someone trying to lend you a hand.

[except do, because that's hilarious.]

[kickingand]

I live in a church on the Miami strip. Believe me, I wouldn't need the help even if it was offered.

[wizzardly]

You're living with Lucifer? In his church?

[kickingand]

Technically, sure. Not like Lucifer stretches his wings and kicks back to watch Friends there, though.