"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
[On this, the most important romance-related holiday of the year, Rincewind receives a card delivered by a regular ol' pig. Because weird magic stuff seems to freak him out a lot, so in order to make him feel more comfortable and welcome, Mabel asks the Waddles responsible to keep the shapeshifting on the down-low.
There’s a small chocolate heart taped to the back, and a little note: Happy Valentine’s Day! Have the best day EVER!!]
[words cannot express how surprised he is to find a pig on his doorstep. Especially one with a card in its mouth. Rincewind cautiously accepts this (somewhat moist) delivery and stares at the card. And the chocolate. He looks between both for a while quietly. Why would someone be this nice to him, she doesn't even know him.
...The chocolate is rather good.
Excuse him, he's just going to go back inside and wibble a little. Happy Valentine's Day, Mabel.]
[he'd considered not answering, but given that he's already two states over, hitchhiking in the back of a pickup truck (with what Rincewind is pretty sure is the largest pig he's ever seen in his life), that's probably slightly more paranoia than this situation warrants.
But only slightly.
Anyway, enjoy that ambient noise in the background, Miles.]
Er, yes, well, I thought it best to get a jump on things, given the situation.
Once upon a time there was a little wizard, who got much, much too far in over his head. He was a quivering, cowardly little thing, but he knew a mistake when he made one.
Rincewind doesn't trust his own voice to speak at first, it doesn't feel safe to, even with nearly half the country between them. (Or so he really, really hopes.)
But he knows it would be more dangerous not to answer.]
Oh, I... I don't think I could make the mistake of forgetting your voice again.
...And I do recognize those. [a swallow.] Mistakes, I mean.
Rincewind, I completely forgot to mention something! Your friend Lord Baelish has had the most splendid idea! From now on, our weekly tea shall be a weekly dinner and tea! So don't spoil your appetite beforehand.
[Oh, good. The demon. Fantastic. How's it been, jackass?]
I really haven't got time for you. I don't suppose you could find your amusements elsewhere? Perhaps an active volcano? Or I hear Russia has some lovely rooftops.
And he is polite, of course. Polite-ish anyway. He waits for Rincewind to get home and gives him some time to do...whatever. Change, take a shower, the wind down routine. And in the meantime, he eats two bananas because bananas are delicious and he's starting to wonder if he should try for a mulch pile or if he should just feed Luggage peels. Both are good for the environment.
When he approaches the door, he does not have a banana with him. It's fun in theory but conversation works just as well. Will's had enough time to settle, so he comes to the door and knocks quietly without standing around and staring at it like "why is this my life why has it led me to this specific situation what did I do wrong how could this happen to me I made my mistakes."]
[he's changed back into his moth-eaten wizard's robes and patched trousers, another of April's "borrowed" blouses placed neatly back inside the Luggage until his next library shift.
A woman's soulful voice is crackling from his record player before he hears the knock and shuts it off, and it's testament to Rincewind's growing sense of security within the Ludgate-Graham house that he only waits a moment after hearing Will's voice to open the door. He even smiles a little - if still nervously, because it's entirely possible Will could have horrible, terrible news. Like Petyr Baelish winning an important election. Something crazy.]
Not even a little bit, it's glorious. You're welcome to come in if you like. Everything, er, all right, is it?
[he's still in the library when he gets the call. More precisely, he's in one of the library's supply closets, because the Head Librarian gave him quite the earful for his reaction following the vote results.
It was a loud reaction. There were gestures.
So: the closet. Where he can curse more quietly, and try to key in search terms on his communicator like 'What can an Ambassador actually do' and 'can you make people vote again' and 'why is my life a constant parade of waking and sleeping nightmares'.
It's right after he's hit enter on that last search that Baelish calls him. Rincewind's forehead hits the wall. He lets it stay there while he answers, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut, one foot in an empty mop bucket because it's not a very big closet.
Lucky this isn't video.]
You're giving me - entirely too much credit. Which is, I think, the first time I can actually accuse you of that.
I suppose you'll want victory posters printed now?
right, I have questions, but it's been somewhere between
[there's a delay.]
one and a half to thirteen years I think since any of this happened. or just a week? Porter time is confusing and my head and various other appendages hurt so yes I'm coming back to sleep on the couch. Let's just keep it for now at a promise that I'll still have all my organs when I wake up. okay?
[A carefully and very securely wrapped package wrapped in a gaily printed cloth is sitting on Rincewind's desk in the library next to two (not overdue) returned books, along with a note in practiced penmanship:]
Dear Mr. Rincewind, Thank you so much for your recommendation; I really enjoyed Herodotus' Histories. Do you have any suggestions for something more modern? I'm still trying to catch up. I'm also looking for anything you might have on botany.
I know we shouldn't be eating food in the library, but I made a little too much shepherd's pie last night, so I thought I'd share. The peas and potatoes are from one of my neighbors! She grew them in her garden herself. I hope you enjoy it.
[oh, Estellise, there's no competition, but if there was she'd be winning it. About the time his eyes read "shepherd's pie" Rincewind's brows are halfway up his forehead. He gives the food a thorough, suspicious look-over (old habits), but the moment he actually takes a bite on his lunch break, it's all quickly (and happily) devoured.
Well! The least he can do in return is answer the polite young woman's request. He doesn't know when she'll next be in, but he takes care to write a short return note to keep at the front desk, in case he's not there the next time she returns.]
Dear Miss Estellise, The shepherd's pie was lovely, your neighbor has a gift with potatoes. I'm afraid the modern histories we carry tend to have something of an obvious bias (not that most histories don't), but I did learn some things from Where We Are Now by Mr. Norman Pritchard when I first arrived here. I know what it's like to be thrust somewhere new and frightening.
Botany I'm even less versed in. There are a few plant encyclopedias with helpful pictures, though, those might be helpful. - Rincewind, Nonah Assistant Librarian
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wizzardly
delivery! (2/14)
Date: 2016-02-13 04:55 am (UTC)There’s a small chocolate heart taped to the back, and a little note: Happy Valentine’s Day! Have the best day EVER!!]
delivery! (2/14)
Date: 2016-02-14 02:38 pm (UTC)...The chocolate is rather good.
Excuse him, he's just going to go back inside and wibble a little. Happy Valentine's Day, Mabel.]
4/9, audio
Date: 2016-04-09 08:27 pm (UTC)4/9, audio
Date: 2016-04-09 09:14 pm (UTC)But only slightly.
Anyway, enjoy that ambient noise in the background, Miles.]
Er, yes, well, I thought it best to get a jump on things, given the situation.
...Ah, but. You're welcome. You've healed, then?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:text
Date: 2016-04-11 02:18 am (UTC)[ She did click on his ID on the network, so she's going to presume this is the right inbox. ]
i do not know if you remember me
i hear you are not a child anymore
my name is sasha and we ate brownies together
text
Date: 2016-04-13 03:37 pm (UTC)I do a little. Also not a child you're right. I still don't know why I was, sorry.
Did I mess something of yours up when I was?
[because why else would the girl contact him? He probably ruined something.]
text
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:1/2
From:2/2
From:(no subject)
From:1/2
From:2/2
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:11/4, voice
Date: 2016-04-13 02:46 pm (UTC)Don't you, my friend.
Do you know who I am?
no subject
Date: 2016-04-13 03:29 pm (UTC)Rincewind doesn't trust his own voice to speak at first, it doesn't feel safe to, even with nearly half the country between them. (Or so he really, really hopes.)
But he knows it would be more dangerous not to answer.]
Oh, I... I don't think I could make the mistake of forgetting your voice again.
...And I do recognize those. [a swallow.] Mistakes, I mean.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:text;
Date: 2016-04-26 08:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-04-26 09:36 pm (UTC)Do you do anything particularly strange when you shower?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:text;
Date: 2016-04-30 02:04 am (UTC)in your room?
text;
Date: 2016-04-30 03:21 am (UTC)[and three minutes later:]
Yes
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 06:05 pm (UTC)did you give up on the animal army plan?
no subject
Date: 2016-05-08 06:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:5/18, text
Date: 2016-05-19 12:56 am (UTC)5/18, text
Date: 2016-05-19 01:17 am (UTC)Rincewind stares down at the message in dismay for a long while before he forces a response.]
Apology? What for?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:[Text]
Date: 2016-05-20 03:13 am (UTC)[Text]
Date: 2016-05-20 03:15 am (UTC)[Text]
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:05.19.2016 -- voicemail.
Date: 2016-05-20 03:56 am (UTC)[Since it's been on his mind. Mostly because of a conversation with Will.]
no subject
Date: 2016-05-20 04:04 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-21 02:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:[voicemail]
Date: 2016-05-22 06:06 pm (UTC)Ta-ta!
Re: [voicemail]
Date: 2016-05-22 08:19 pm (UTC)[voice]
From:Re: [voice]
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:text;
Date: 2016-05-24 06:18 pm (UTC)from the beach?
jeff said you wont have sex with me & that we should go out
no subject
Date: 2016-05-24 06:37 pm (UTC)I'm sorry? I swear I didn't ask him to ask you about either of those
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:05.26.2016 -- voicemail
Date: 2016-05-25 02:29 am (UTC)Rincewind. Call me back.
no subject
Date: 2016-05-25 02:37 am (UTC)Dr. Chilton? Are you all right? Has - has something happened?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:text on the 28th or so, from a blocked number
Date: 2016-05-27 05:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-05-27 05:52 pm (UTC)[he'd be surprised by the kindness of this warning if his first reaction weren't immediate fear.]
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:voice
Date: 2016-05-31 12:41 am (UTC)Any more of a brown noser and you'd be halfway up Lucifer's ass. [ he might be amused. sue him. ]
voice
Date: 2016-05-31 01:26 am (UTC)I really haven't got time for you. I don't suppose you could find your amusements elsewhere? Perhaps an active volcano? Or I hear Russia has some lovely rooftops.
voice
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:voice;
Date: 2016-05-31 01:12 am (UTC)voice;
Date: 2016-05-31 01:40 am (UTC)You may need to be more specific.
voice;
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:action; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydrtF45-y-g
Date: 2016-06-28 03:04 am (UTC)And he is polite, of course. Polite-ish anyway. He waits for Rincewind to get home and gives him some time to do...whatever. Change, take a shower, the wind down routine. And in the meantime, he eats two bananas because bananas are delicious and he's starting to wonder if he should try for a mulch pile or if he should just feed Luggage peels. Both are good for the environment.
When he approaches the door, he does not have a banana with him. It's fun in theory but conversation works just as well. Will's had enough time to settle, so he comes to the door and knocks quietly without standing around and staring at it like "why is this my life why has it led me to this specific situation what did I do wrong how could this happen to me I made my mistakes."]
You busy?
/plays on a loop
Date: 2016-06-28 05:27 am (UTC)A woman's soulful voice is crackling from his record player before he hears the knock and shuts it off, and it's testament to Rincewind's growing sense of security within the Ludgate-Graham house that he only waits a moment after hearing Will's voice to open the door. He even smiles a little - if still nervously, because it's entirely possible Will could have horrible, terrible news. Like Petyr Baelish winning an important election. Something crazy.]
Not even a little bit, it's glorious. You're welcome to come in if you like. Everything, er, all right, is it?
- You aren't leaving the country again, are you?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 04:27 am (UTC)I am certain you've seen the results of the election by now.
[ An arrogant pause to bask in his victory. ]
I couldn't have done it without your help, my friend.
[ Every word a twist of the knife. ]
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 05:48 am (UTC)It was a loud reaction. There were gestures.
So: the closet. Where he can curse more quietly, and try to key in search terms on his communicator like 'What can an Ambassador actually do' and 'can you make people vote again' and 'why is my life a constant parade of waking and sleeping nightmares'.
It's right after he's hit enter on that last search that Baelish calls him. Rincewind's forehead hits the wall. He lets it stay there while he answers, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut, one foot in an empty mop bucket because it's not a very big closet.
Lucky this isn't video.]
You're giving me - entirely too much credit. Which is, I think, the first time I can actually accuse you of that.
I suppose you'll want victory posters printed now?
audio;
From:audio;
From:audio;
From:audio;
From:audio;
From:Re: audio;
From:audio;
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:no subject
Date: 2016-07-18 02:02 am (UTC)fyi
no subject
Date: 2016-07-18 03:12 am (UTC)Or reached an agreement. whatever it was.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:no subject
Date: 2016-08-17 02:32 am (UTC)it's taken care of
no subject
Date: 2016-08-17 04:14 am (UTC)right, I have questions, but it's been somewhere between
[there's a delay.]
one and a half to thirteen years I think since any of this happened. or just a week? Porter time is confusing and my head and various other appendages hurt so yes I'm coming back to sleep on the couch. Let's just keep it for now at a promise that I'll still have all my organs when I wake up. okay?
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:no subject
Date: 2016-08-20 06:14 pm (UTC)seems like ur kind of thing
no subject
Date: 2016-08-23 04:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:[Physical Delivery]
Date: 2016-08-26 06:04 pm (UTC)Dear Mr. Rincewind,
Thank you so much for your recommendation; I really enjoyed Herodotus' Histories. Do you have any suggestions for something more modern? I'm still trying to catch up. I'm also looking for anything you might have on botany.
I know we shouldn't be eating food in the library, but I made a little too much shepherd's pie last night, so I thought I'd share. The peas and potatoes are from one of my neighbors! She grew them in her garden herself. I hope you enjoy it.
Estellise
[Physical Delivery]
Date: 2016-09-02 01:49 am (UTC)Well! The least he can do in return is answer the polite young woman's request. He doesn't know when she'll next be in, but he takes care to write a short return note to keep at the front desk, in case he's not there the next time she returns.]
Dear Miss Estellise,
The shepherd's pie was lovely, your neighbor has a gift with potatoes. I'm afraid the modern histories we carry tend to have something of an obvious bias (not that most histories don't), but I did learn some things from Where We Are Now by Mr. Norman Pritchard when I first arrived here. I know what it's like to be thrust somewhere new and frightening.
Botany I'm even less versed in. There are a few plant encyclopedias with helpful pictures, though, those might be helpful.
- Rincewind, Nonah Assistant Librarian
[another note, but without food this time...]
From:Text;
Date: 2016-09-09 02:08 am (UTC)Text;
Date: 2016-09-09 02:44 am (UTC)It's the day between the seventh and the ninth.
I would ask if you've got a calendar, but I think I know the answer to that.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:Text;
Date: 2016-10-08 04:35 pm (UTC)Text;
Date: 2016-10-08 07:10 pm (UTC)And you bloody well know what day it is.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From:...
From: