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I don't mind the implied work. I have always been accused of being ambitious.
[Harley has to push down her first impulse to bite, to kiss like it's a fight. It's been a long time since she wanted gentle. She worries she won't remember how. But then she's in his arms and his lips are on her neck and she giggles, because his beard tickles just a little but mostly because she's happy.
There are so many ways this will go bad, but as long as she doesn't think about any of that they can still have a good time. Still, she can't push Jeff out of her mind and the sudden realization that Rincewind smells exactly like Jeff's shampoo almost makes her drop the wine. She catches it with only a few drops staining the carpet, but a generous glug goes right down the back of Rincewind's neck.]
Shit. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
There are so many ways this will go bad, but as long as she doesn't think about any of that they can still have a good time. Still, she can't push Jeff out of her mind and the sudden realization that Rincewind smells exactly like Jeff's shampoo almost makes her drop the wine. She catches it with only a few drops staining the carpet, but a generous glug goes right down the back of Rincewind's neck.]
Shit. Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
New Year's Resolutions, 2017
- Gothamites aren't good for you. Remember that.
- Don't let what's happened to you stop you from going to celebrations, festivals or events.
- Be more brave.
- No. Even braver than that.
- Talk about your world more.
- Don't trust Dr. Chilton.
- Protect your belongings.
- But don't get yourself killed doing so. It is a distinct possibility.
- Work on fear of heights.
- Learn to sew.
- Eat more potatoes.
- Avoid romance.
- Remember to be respectful to people who are dangerous.
- Talk to less gods.
- Don't believe everything you're told.
- Gothamites aren't good for you. Remember that.
- Don't let what's happened to you stop you from going to celebrations, festivals or events.
- Be more brave.
- No. Even braver than that.
- Talk about your world more.
- Don't trust Dr. Chilton.
- Protect your belongings.
- But don't get yourself killed doing so. It is a distinct possibility.
- Work on fear of heights.
- Learn to sew.
- Eat more potatoes.
- Avoid romance.
- Remember to be respectful to people who are dangerous.
- Talk to less gods.
- Don't believe everything you're told.
[for a moment Rincewind's brain is blissfully, beautifully silent. No worrying about whether he's so rusty at this that she'll hear him creaking, no pulsing heart-palpitations over whether each kiss dotted over Harley's skin signs away his right to call himself a wizard - it's all gone quiet. Except for her giggling, which surprises a smile to Rincewind's face and a flush to his skin once he realizes she's not laughing at him. She's enjoying this, and he's a part of it, so he can't be completely terrible, can he? There's a thought to put a spark of confidence back in -
The wizard jumps, bony knees knocking into Harley with a muffled, and yet still high-pitched yip at the sudden, fruity dousing. He breaks away, awkwardly spinning in a semi-circle to try and fan the soaked fabric from his skin.]
N-no! No, it's - well, it's just wine, right, and it's already red, so -
[his awkward dance does little to actually fix the issue, still wine-splashed from his neck to the small of his back. Rincewind fights a grimace and finally submits to peeling the robe off entirely.]
Just a little sticky now. Have you got a towel?
The wizard jumps, bony knees knocking into Harley with a muffled, and yet still high-pitched yip at the sudden, fruity dousing. He breaks away, awkwardly spinning in a semi-circle to try and fan the soaked fabric from his skin.]
N-no! No, it's - well, it's just wine, right, and it's already red, so -
[his awkward dance does little to actually fix the issue, still wine-splashed from his neck to the small of his back. Rincewind fights a grimace and finally submits to peeling the robe off entirely.]
Just a little sticky now. Have you got a towel?
[Harley sidesteps out of reach when he breaks away, and keeps a wary eye on any signs of a temper about to blow. She doesn't know what wizards do, exactly, but a pissed off one is probably a little not great.
So she's a confused when her apology isn't chased by a smack on the head and he's more uncomfortable than upset. He must be one of those slow burn types. Luckily, she's pretty sure he'd forget what he was mad about as soon as he got to see a bare boob.]
Yeah, um, bathroom's at end of the hall on the left.
[She drops her own robe to the floor and toes it over the spill. There. All cleaned up.]
Take your time, and I'll put the wine in something... less spillable.
So she's a confused when her apology isn't chased by a smack on the head and he's more uncomfortable than upset. He must be one of those slow burn types. Luckily, she's pretty sure he'd forget what he was mad about as soon as he got to see a bare boob.]
Yeah, um, bathroom's at end of the hall on the left.
[She drops her own robe to the floor and toes it over the spill. There. All cleaned up.]
Take your time, and I'll put the wine in something... less spillable.
[ HEY RINCEWIND, HAVE SOME FUN SPACE FACTS that the Doctor's texting because he cares, not because he's at work and it's really boring today and he doesn't wanna do paperwork, having a job sucks, how can humans stand doing this all day? ]
- Because of its unique tilt, a single night on Uranus lasts for 21 years. Darillium's got it beat though, a night there lasts for 24 years.
- There are approximately 200,000,000,000 stars in the Milky Way.
- That bit about how in space nobody can hear you scream is actually true and not just a movie tagline.
- You become taller in space.
- The Milky Way's a spiral galaxy. However, there's elliptical galaxies and irregular galaxies as well.
- There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches and deserts on Earth.
- Because of its unique tilt, a single night on Uranus lasts for 21 years. Darillium's got it beat though, a night there lasts for 24 years.
- There are approximately 200,000,000,000 stars in the Milky Way.
- That bit about how in space nobody can hear you scream is actually true and not just a movie tagline.
- You become taller in space.
- The Milky Way's a spiral galaxy. However, there's elliptical galaxies and irregular galaxies as well.
- There are more stars in the universe than there are grains of sand on all the beaches and deserts on Earth.
[of course, Harley's disrobing has something of a distracting effect. It's amazing how little some spilled wine can matter when a man's faced with a sight like that. Rincewind swallows, aware that he's staring and equally aware that he's not going to be able to stop.]
If... you have to. [he finally says, not moving. There's a bit of fumbling at his shirt, like he's picking off invisible lint. Playing near the buttons. Suggesting that he may well be perfectly willing to unfasten and unzip and join her in what appears to be a somewhat chilly state. Could be less chilly if they're both doing it. Together.
Which you don't, really. On my account, I mean. [he crosses a little closer, awkward but willing, his heart banging out a discordant rock ballad against his ribs.] We could, um. Just forget about it. Go back to kissing.
[he quite liked that part.]
If... you have to. [he finally says, not moving. There's a bit of fumbling at his shirt, like he's picking off invisible lint. Playing near the buttons. Suggesting that he may well be perfectly willing to unfasten and unzip and join her in what appears to be a somewhat chilly state. Could be less chilly if they're both doing it. Together.
Which you don't, really. On my account, I mean. [he crosses a little closer, awkward but willing, his heart banging out a discordant rock ballad against his ribs.] We could, um. Just forget about it. Go back to kissing.
[he quite liked that part.]
[Harley smiles in a way that's meant to be reassuring, but still has an edge of predatory. She takes one fidgeting hand and draws him closer still.]
I like kissing.
[She brushes her lips over his knuckles before guiding his hand to rest on her waist.]
And touching.
[Since he seemed to be having some trouble finding his buttons, she'll just go ahead and take over. Her fingers are much more sure in the task, but she goes slowly and watches him from underneath her lashes for signs it's too much too fast.]
What do you like? Tell me how you want this to go.
I like kissing.
[She brushes her lips over his knuckles before guiding his hand to rest on her waist.]
And touching.
[Since he seemed to be having some trouble finding his buttons, she'll just go ahead and take over. Her fingers are much more sure in the task, but she goes slowly and watches him from underneath her lashes for signs it's too much too fast.]
What do you like? Tell me how you want this to go.
[it's usually about this time Rincewind would hear from some small, annoying voice. His conscience and libido certainly liked to duke it out every so often. But there's not so much as a peep from either when his hand curls around the soft dip of Harley's waist. Her skin's so warm it makes his mouth go dry. It occurs to him, distantly, that he's probably not hearing any little voices because Harley's managed to completely break his brain.
Out of cheese error, as HEX might say. Redo from start.]
I like - [his voice is entirely too high and squeaky, wide-eyed as he watches Harley undo his shirt. Rincewind clears his throat to try again.] - I like. You. This. Er. Potatoes? No, hold on. I mean - you, doing this. And the little dip at the top of your lips. And - and that way you're looking at me. And. Um. I'm going to touch you now, is that all right?
[his other hand slides around and to the small of her back, dipping down and over a round curve which makes him think briefly but vividly of a fluffy mound of buttered potatoes.]
I've done this before, [he blurts suddenly, but firmly. Difficult to say who he's trying to reassure, but at least he doesn't follow it up with the truthful, 'Nearly twenty years ago'.
In fact, in order to prevent such embarrassments, perhaps he'd better just kiss her again. Right. Yes. He ducks his head to do just that.]
Out of cheese error, as HEX might say. Redo from start.]
I like - [his voice is entirely too high and squeaky, wide-eyed as he watches Harley undo his shirt. Rincewind clears his throat to try again.] - I like. You. This. Er. Potatoes? No, hold on. I mean - you, doing this. And the little dip at the top of your lips. And - and that way you're looking at me. And. Um. I'm going to touch you now, is that all right?
[his other hand slides around and to the small of her back, dipping down and over a round curve which makes him think briefly but vividly of a fluffy mound of buttered potatoes.]
I've done this before, [he blurts suddenly, but firmly. Difficult to say who he's trying to reassure, but at least he doesn't follow it up with the truthful, 'Nearly twenty years ago'.
In fact, in order to prevent such embarrassments, perhaps he'd better just kiss her again. Right. Yes. He ducks his head to do just that.]
What's your favourite colour?
What.
You know I'm real and not a storybook character, right?
You know I'm real and not a storybook character, right?
It's more that I'm not sure whether you know that. You've got to admit those little Thieves' Guild auditions of yours have been impressive.
[a compliment mostly courtesy of a certain perfume-based magical disaster. Can you feel the love, Leonard?]
It doesn't help you're about as unpredictable as a pissed porcupine.
[...Rincewind shows his love in mysterious ways.]
[a compliment mostly courtesy of a certain perfume-based magical disaster. Can you feel the love, Leonard?]
It doesn't help you're about as unpredictable as a pissed porcupine.
[...Rincewind shows his love in mysterious ways.]
[ There's a package in the mail. Inside is a box of chocolates and a small black envelope. Inside is a handmade Valentine's Day card from none other than Calendar Man: ]
If I ever find out how to steal colour, I'd go all out.
[Welcome to black and white vision.
Also, what?]
I'd think pissed porcupines would be predictable. Prickly, mostly.
Anyway. Where do I pick you up?
[Welcome to black and white vision.
Also, what?]
I'd think pissed porcupines would be predictable. Prickly, mostly.
Anyway. Where do I pick you up?
[ Baelish assumes Rincewind will probably throw it out. He contemplates wasting his time on sending the letter. But there's an off chance he will read it, and it's better to get all of the information out upfront like this. How likely would Rincewind be to listen if Baelish just gave him a phonecall? And so, the message arrives for Rincewind via mockingbird. Sealed closed by a wax mockingbird sigil, the letter is hand-written in careful cursive. ]
Dear Rincewind -
I know we have never been on the best of terms, but I do hope you will take the time to read this. I write to you on behalf of a project I am working on within my city. Construction has already begun on rebuilding a much larger library, but I wish for this to be more than simply a bigger structure. I hope to inspire education and the spread of knowledge to the natives of Maurtia Falls as well as provide an invaluable resource to new arrivals here. But more than that, I wish to use it to pay homage to the natives who lost their lives within Maurtia Falls due to imPort related tragedies. Their names will be honored within the library itself and donations will be set up to be made to the families.
For this project to succeed, I need your help. If you are able to donate anything at all to the cause, it would be most appreciated -- whether that is rare books, money, or simply your time. I believe you would be an excellent candidate to work in the library. And considering that you already work within Maurtia Falls, would it not be more convenient to have a library near Doctor Chilton's office instead of having to go all the way to Nonah? Please do consider. I truly believe this would be a good fit for you.
I thank you for your time, and I do hope to hear back from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ambassador Petyr Baelish
Dear Rincewind -
I know we have never been on the best of terms, but I do hope you will take the time to read this. I write to you on behalf of a project I am working on within my city. Construction has already begun on rebuilding a much larger library, but I wish for this to be more than simply a bigger structure. I hope to inspire education and the spread of knowledge to the natives of Maurtia Falls as well as provide an invaluable resource to new arrivals here. But more than that, I wish to use it to pay homage to the natives who lost their lives within Maurtia Falls due to imPort related tragedies. Their names will be honored within the library itself and donations will be set up to be made to the families.
For this project to succeed, I need your help. If you are able to donate anything at all to the cause, it would be most appreciated -- whether that is rare books, money, or simply your time. I believe you would be an excellent candidate to work in the library. And considering that you already work within Maurtia Falls, would it not be more convenient to have a library near Doctor Chilton's office instead of having to go all the way to Nonah? Please do consider. I truly believe this would be a good fit for you.
I thank you for your time, and I do hope to hear back from you soon.
Sincerely,
Ambassador Petyr Baelish
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