"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
[Keeping that romance alive one weird as hell date at a time. Will crosses to lean against Rincewind's desk, absorbing...okay. He gets it even better now. Why Jeff chose Harley. Why safe sex may have come up without, uh, other things coming up. This might not be as weird as feared. He also makes a note to himself to look into Harley more, but that's for later. Maybe bug Crane about her.]
Kinda difficult to explain burlesque. One of those things you gotta see for yourself to understand. [He offers a faint smile, not overly amused and certainly not judging.] Sounds like you really did have a good time, Rincewind. I'm happy for you. Do you want to take her out again? Get to know her better?
[says Rincewind the wizard, obvious expert on love and relationships due to his many years of experience.
Despite his face's valiant attempt to maintain a look of skepticism, it's plain how quickly Rincewind takes that little positive encouragement to heart. Embarrassingly quickly, really. Rincewind glances away if only to keep his smile from being too obvious.
It's more that the wizard has become used to being a fool in front of people than it is that he's all right with it, but either way Will is one of the last people he'd want to see him that way. Rincewind respects him too much, is secretly too enamored by the man's ability to seem so naturally, calmly compassionate.]
Well, yes, I think I would. Why not? She's worth getting to know. And as a bonus it should save me from Jeff taking another shot at blind matchmaking. Not the sort of thing to trust to luck twice, after all.
That's when it counts the most. Biggest killer of marriage is when you stop dating each other. [And Hannibal Lecter, but he isn't here so it's all Will's fault if things go south. Just what he wanted.] She reminds me of April, more I think about it. Kind of person who can have fun anywhere.
[A compliment of the highest order. April is still hotter than Harley though.]
You've already had dinner...went to a burlesque, so that's. She might appreciate theater more than any movie. You could go see a play or a musical. [A dirty one, maybe. At least one with some boobs on stage. Oh! Naked theater, yes, but he'll leave that up to Harley to suggest. Or just, like, drag Rincewind to with no warning.] You ever been bowling?
[but then that's not exactly a huge distinction - it is April they're talking about.]
Theater? [the wizard nods slowly. That could be an idea. They could see a show with more clothing this time around, or at least less body paint.] I've no idea what "bowling" is though, no. Is it... pottery based? I'm not much good with art.
No, it's... [That is a cute as fuck assumption, though, Jesus Christ.] A sport. Sort of. Anyone can do it, though. There's no running or jumping or anything like that. Special shoes is all you need. There's, ah.
[He moves to gesture, make a better picture.]
Pins at the end of a lane. And you're at the other end with a weighted ball. You roll it down the lane and try to knock all the pins over within so many turns.
[congratulations, Will - today is the day historians will mark as the day Rincewind was introduced to the concept of bowling, and thus the day which began his inevitable infatuation with bowling shoes. It's nearly time to trade in his beaten sandals for good.]
Well, that all sounds... [rather boring, actually, and safe, and thus an activity he's immediately interested in.] ...perfect. I'll bring it up her to her. Thank you, Will. Perhaps you, April, and Jeff could come along as well?
[When their shoe rack by the door is a mix of flip flops, sneakers, and bowling shoes (likely stolen if they all go out), Will is going to have Feelings every time he looks at it. But that's for later. Now, though, he's smiling, pleased Rincewind likes the idea so much.]
I'm sure we could swing something. [The raccoons come along. The raccoons smoke everyone else at bowling. Jeff and Eduardo spark a rivalry the likes no one has seen before. It sounds perfect.] Some bowling alleys have beer, too, so it's pretty good place to be, win or lose.
[and cue an awkward, expectant pause. Rincewind literally twiddles his thumbs, glancing around.]
...Right, so. Thanks again for the advice. I do appreciate it coming from you. - Not that I'm not fond of April or Jeff, of course, but they do have different methods. You know.
[Jeff. Ah, yes. Will puts his hands in his lap and his shoulders slouch, a little more than uncomfortable. Trying to figure out the best way to approach the actual reason he's here. Or maybe he should just call this a job well done and leave? God, it's tempting. So very, very tempting.
After a few seconds of silence...]
Yeah. I know. [There is no segue to save him. So he just spits it out.] So you're not—you're not really aware of what safe sex is or entails, is that right?
[Will laughs, short but genuine. No bitterness. What an example, really.]
No, no. Good idea, though. Easy to fall off cliffs when you're...compromised. [Just ask Hannibal Lecter. Or don't.] No, there's. There are methods now to keep partners who share intimacy safe. Not just from unwanted, unexpected pregnancies if between man and woman, but from possible disease. Might sound like a lot but it's not really too complicated. If you were ever...
[Interested? Hm. He's not really sure the best way to go about this past letting Rincewind know it's A Thing. Sure, Will can talk about it, but this is already something of an ambush. Would Rincewind remember it all? Would he just associate sex safe with awkward conversations and write off sex of any sort because of the awkward, traumatic memories?]
...curious about how it all works, then we can talk. Or find some good information you can read up on. It's not discussed when you get here. But it's likely good to know. Be informed. Just in case.
[Suddenly glad he cliff'd it on out before Wally got to a certain age. Not that it would be the same, really, with the Internet and all, but.]
[he is so confused about how they got here. Rincewind tries to retrace his mental steps, but eventually he's left scratching his head and going "No, no idea where it went wrong, but we've just fallen off the map completely here".
It's awkward, of course.
He fidgets.
A senior wizard might have already clutched at their chest from a heart attack (or clutched at it anyway in order to fake one) from all this talk of compromising. Rincewind has a little more experience than the senior faculty, thankfully, but damned if his face isn't already dangerously close to the shade of his hair.]
Right, um. [Will won't push the subject with him if he asks the man not to, he's sure. ...Pretty sure. But admittedly, Rincewind is a little curious about one point in particular.]
You... did say something about diseases, just then?
[Rincewind is (against his will) a worldly man; he knows sailors pick up things, and they get it from somewhere, and the herbalists of Ankh-Morpork tend to specialize in anti-itch creams for a reason.
[The reason is Jeff. Or Harley. Depends on perspective. Will hopes Rincewind doesn't turn much redder, doesn't make some long, loud noise. It may attract attention from others and that's surely just bound to make things even more awkward.
Ah.]
I did. [Maybe it's good Rincewind focuses on that. Maybe he'll do his own research later and decide better that way.] If someone's infected, it's possible to spread that through contact with bodily fluids. Blood, vaginal fluids, semen. It can spread through sores, too, and other methods that aren't sexual. [He doesn't think they have to worry about Rincewind using needles. God, he hopes.] So there are methods to protect yourself. Comes in handy if you don't know your partner's medical history very well.
[Rincewind may look something like a skinny, sickly chameleon as Will goes on - he doesn't tend to enjoy even remembering bodily fluids are a thing, and having them listed out is turning him doing interesting things to the color in his face. To say nothing of his expression, which screws up like he's found half a lemon in his mouth when his housemate goes on to mention sores.
Why is it his imagination only leaps up to work when there's something absolutely awful to picture? The sick bastard.]
"Partner" makes this all sound like - like some terribly messy business transaction. [Rincewind moans the complaint in his trademarked 'woe is me' tone. So much woe. All the woe. He's drawn his legs completely up onto the mattress, knees against his chest like knobbly shields.]
Is - is the protection a pill? They seem to sell them for everything in this world.
[That's how imaginations are sometimes. Will could relate. They could share so many beers over joint misery at inappropriate imaginations.
Will's face screws up for a second in thought.]
Pills are usually for. After. If you've contracted anything. [Though now it really registers...] This world's better about medical stuff than mine, actually. They might have pills. I'm not too sure. There are pills to prevent pregnancy, I know that much. [Poor Rincewind though, he looks so tiny. Will runs a hand over his neck. He's not turning into a tiny version of himself but he's showing as much awkwardness just the same.] If you wanna know more, you can. Ask. Research. Whatever floats your boat. Thought it was best you knew there were ways you might not have heard about before. That's all.
Loads better than mine as well. The things they'll make you live through in this world... [he clucks his tongue.]
But. Right. [Rincewind takes a steadying, resigned breath. This is not a topic he'll return to at a later date. Not a chance. So he'd best get this out of the way now. At least Will isn't grinning at him like some lunatic - sometimes misery really does love company.]
So the pills are for after. Is there anything for before I should be aware of? Just - [he waves a hand airily] - while you're here?
[even the Luggage shuffles to better face Will, as if anticipating the answer.]
[Like being burned alive and having your face ripped off? Medicine is so weird when it comes to what is and is not humane, shit's crazy.]
Uh. [This is a chance to get out of the awkward, holy cow. Oh man. God bless. He finally pushes off his leaning spot, gesturing out.] Not particularly. April, Jeff, and I, we're all from places where safe sex is a known practice. You have any questions, I'm sure one of us can answer. Or find the answer. They can be [merciless] difficult, but this isn't. This isn't anything embarrassing. Plenty of people come from worlds that are nothing people from worlds like mine could ever really imagine.
[Worlds within walls, attacked by giant people eaters. Sort of. Worlds without running water and electricity. Worlds where superheroes were common. Worlds where animals could talk. It was a tossed salad of folks here; lack of knowledge in various aspects was to be expected.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Keeping that romance alive one weird as hell date at a time. Will crosses to lean against Rincewind's desk, absorbing...okay. He gets it even better now. Why Jeff chose Harley. Why safe sex may have come up without, uh, other things coming up. This might not be as weird as feared. He also makes a note to himself to look into Harley more, but that's for later. Maybe bug Crane about her.]
Kinda difficult to explain burlesque. One of those things you gotta see for yourself to understand. [He offers a faint smile, not overly amused and certainly not judging.] Sounds like you really did have a good time, Rincewind. I'm happy for you. Do you want to take her out again? Get to know her better?
[u wanna have safe sex maybe]
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[says Rincewind the wizard, obvious expert on love and relationships due to his many years of experience.
Despite his face's valiant attempt to maintain a look of skepticism, it's plain how quickly Rincewind takes that little positive encouragement to heart. Embarrassingly quickly, really. Rincewind glances away if only to keep his smile from being too obvious.
It's more that the wizard has become used to being a fool in front of people than it is that he's all right with it, but either way Will is one of the last people he'd want to see him that way. Rincewind respects him too much, is secretly too enamored by the man's ability to seem so naturally, calmly compassionate.]
Well, yes, I think I would. Why not? She's worth getting to know. And as a bonus it should save me from Jeff taking another shot at blind matchmaking. Not the sort of thing to trust to luck twice, after all.
Any ideas on places to go?
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That's when it counts the most. Biggest killer of marriage is when you stop dating each other. [And Hannibal Lecter, but he isn't here so it's all Will's fault if things go south. Just what he wanted.] She reminds me of April, more I think about it. Kind of person who can have fun anywhere.
[A compliment of the highest order. April is still hotter than Harley though.]
You've already had dinner...went to a burlesque, so that's. She might appreciate theater more than any movie. You could go see a play or a musical. [A dirty one, maybe. At least one with some boobs on stage. Oh! Naked theater, yes, but he'll leave that up to Harley to suggest. Or just, like, drag Rincewind to with no warning.] You ever been bowling?
no subject
[but then that's not exactly a huge distinction - it is April they're talking about.]
Theater? [the wizard nods slowly. That could be an idea. They could see a show with more clothing this time around, or at least less body paint.] I've no idea what "bowling" is though, no. Is it... pottery based? I'm not much good with art.
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[He moves to gesture, make a better picture.]
Pins at the end of a lane. And you're at the other end with a weighted ball. You roll it down the lane and try to knock all the pins over within so many turns.
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[congratulations, Will - today is the day historians will mark as the day Rincewind was introduced to the concept of bowling, and thus the day which began his inevitable infatuation with bowling shoes. It's nearly time to trade in his beaten sandals for good.]
Well, that all sounds... [rather boring, actually, and safe, and thus an activity he's immediately interested in.] ...perfect. I'll bring it up her to her. Thank you, Will. Perhaps you, April, and Jeff could come along as well?
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I'm sure we could swing something. [The raccoons come along. The raccoons smoke everyone else at bowling. Jeff and Eduardo spark a rivalry the likes no one has seen before. It sounds perfect.] Some bowling alleys have beer, too, so it's pretty good place to be, win or lose.
[how the fuck does he segue into wrapped willies
gods give him strength]
no subject
[and cue an awkward, expectant pause. Rincewind literally twiddles his thumbs, glancing around.]
...Right, so. Thanks again for the advice. I do appreciate it coming from you. - Not that I'm not fond of April or Jeff, of course, but they do have different methods. You know.
[they tease him mercilessly, he means.]
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After a few seconds of silence...]
Yeah. I know. [There is no segue to save him. So he just spits it out.] So you're not—you're not really aware of what safe sex is or entails, is that right?
[this is the most normal]
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...Safe... sex. Ah. N...o. I'm not - entirely sure what you mean by that.
[Rincewind shoots the door a momentary, flickered glance.]
I'm guessing you don't mean making sure you aren't, er, near a cliff or something, at the time?
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No, no. Good idea, though. Easy to fall off cliffs when you're...compromised. [Just ask Hannibal Lecter. Or don't.] No, there's. There are methods now to keep partners who share intimacy safe. Not just from unwanted, unexpected pregnancies if between man and woman, but from possible disease. Might sound like a lot but it's not really too complicated. If you were ever...
[Interested? Hm. He's not really sure the best way to go about this past letting Rincewind know it's A Thing. Sure, Will can talk about it, but this is already something of an ambush. Would Rincewind remember it all? Would he just associate sex safe with awkward conversations and write off sex of any sort because of the awkward, traumatic memories?]
...curious about how it all works, then we can talk. Or find some good information you can read up on. It's not discussed when you get here. But it's likely good to know. Be informed. Just in case.
[Suddenly glad he cliff'd it on out before Wally got to a certain age. Not that it would be the same, really, with the Internet and all, but.]
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It's awkward, of course.
He fidgets.
A senior wizard might have already clutched at their chest from a heart attack (or clutched at it anyway in order to fake one) from all this talk of compromising. Rincewind has a little more experience than the senior faculty, thankfully, but damned if his face isn't already dangerously close to the shade of his hair.]
Right, um. [Will won't push the subject with him if he asks the man not to, he's sure. ...Pretty sure. But admittedly, Rincewind is a little curious about one point in particular.]
You... did say something about diseases, just then?
[Rincewind is (against his will) a worldly man; he knows sailors pick up things, and they get it from somewhere, and the herbalists of Ankh-Morpork tend to specialize in anti-itch creams for a reason.
But this is a new world. A new wide, scary world.
What if what they have here is even worse?]
no subject
Ah.]
I did. [Maybe it's good Rincewind focuses on that. Maybe he'll do his own research later and decide better that way.] If someone's infected, it's possible to spread that through contact with bodily fluids. Blood, vaginal fluids, semen. It can spread through sores, too, and other methods that aren't sexual. [He doesn't think they have to worry about Rincewind using needles. God, he hopes.] So there are methods to protect yourself. Comes in handy if you don't know your partner's medical history very well.
no subject
Why is it his imagination only leaps up to work when there's something absolutely awful to picture? The sick bastard.]
"Partner" makes this all sound like - like some terribly messy business transaction. [Rincewind moans the complaint in his trademarked 'woe is me' tone. So much woe. All the woe. He's drawn his legs completely up onto the mattress, knees against his chest like knobbly shields.]
Is - is the protection a pill? They seem to sell them for everything in this world.
no subject
Will's face screws up for a second in thought.]
Pills are usually for. After. If you've contracted anything. [Though now it really registers...] This world's better about medical stuff than mine, actually. They might have pills. I'm not too sure. There are pills to prevent pregnancy, I know that much. [Poor Rincewind though, he looks so tiny. Will runs a hand over his neck. He's not turning into a tiny version of himself but he's showing as much awkwardness just the same.] If you wanna know more, you can. Ask. Research. Whatever floats your boat. Thought it was best you knew there were ways you might not have heard about before. That's all.
[can he water down jeff's scotch for this]
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But. Right. [Rincewind takes a steadying, resigned breath. This is not a topic he'll return to at a later date. Not a chance. So he'd best get this out of the way now. At least Will isn't grinning at him like some lunatic - sometimes misery really does love company.]
So the pills are for after. Is there anything for before I should be aware of? Just - [he waves a hand airily] - while you're here?
[even the Luggage shuffles to better face Will, as if anticipating the answer.]
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Uh. [This is a chance to get out of the awkward, holy cow. Oh man. God bless. He finally pushes off his leaning spot, gesturing out.] Not particularly. April, Jeff, and I, we're all from places where safe sex is a known practice. You have any questions, I'm sure one of us can answer. Or find the answer. They can be [merciless] difficult, but this isn't. This isn't anything embarrassing. Plenty of people come from worlds that are nothing people from worlds like mine could ever really imagine.
[Worlds within walls, attacked by giant people eaters. Sort of. Worlds without running water and electricity. Worlds where superheroes were common. Worlds where animals could talk. It was a tossed salad of folks here; lack of knowledge in various aspects was to be expected.]