IC CONTACT

[wizzardly]

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Comments

voice

[wizzardly]

[Oh, good. The demon. Fantastic. How's it been, jackass?]

I really haven't got time for you. I don't suppose you could find your amusements elsewhere? Perhaps an active volcano? Or I hear Russia has some lovely rooftops.

voice

[kickingand]

[ Oh, y'know. Livin the life. Like right now. Bothering you is all manner of fun. ]

Russia's already sad enough as it is- last thing i'm looking to do is watch people fall into the nearest snowdrift without their panic buttons.

[wizzardly]

Still I can hardly be first on your list. There are bars and things. Torturing souls. Whatever it is your sort of demons like to do on a quiet night.

[kickingand]

Crawling back into Hell or bothering you. I don't know, let me think about it..

[wizzardly]

What, not feeling homesick yet?

[kickingand]

Hell ain't my hometown. Spent some time down there, sure, but it's not my go-to.

[wizzardly]

Where else then?

[kickingand]

I did used to be something other than a demon, y'know. We don't grow under rocks.

[wizzardly]

Well, no. I assumed that when a mommy demon and a daddy demon hated each other very much...

[kickingand]

-- They hire a stork to bring them a bouncing baby demon? Yeah, try again.

[wizzardly]

You started as a human then, I've got to assume. You did mention you had a brother at one point.

...I suppose it does explain the lack of horns or otherwise terrible appendages.

[kickingand]

Most demons come from corrupted human souls. Y'know, the ones that get stuck in the pit and tortured for a few hundred years. So yeah, we all start off as people.

[wizzardly]

Ours don't. [with a verbal shrug.] The tortured souls in our Hell rather just... remain tortured souls. Bit boring, I suppose, but I personally like predictability in my hellspawn.

[a beat.]

Do you remember your human life, then?

[kickingand]

Well yeah, ours get with the torturing, too. Spend a decade or two down there and they start conning you into doing more and then-- tadah. You're hooked.

But do I remember? [ He has to do some mental counting for a second. ] 'Course I do, only died a couple months ago.

[wizzardly]

...I suppose any choice where one option explores the various uses of hot pokers is going to be somewhat weighted.

[this beat is somewhat longer than the first.]

And were you somewhat inclined towards demonic activities when you were living, or is it - just something which grows on you?

[kickingand]

No, see- I'm just lucky. I wasn't supposed to die, and then I did. And since the King of Hell's a little more available than the big guy upstairs...

[wizzardly]

- You've a King of Hell as well? I thought - but Lucifer made it sound as though he ruled it.

[kickingand]

[ Cough. Cough. ]

He does, in theory. We just had a change of leadership after the near-apocalypse mishap. Guy who took the throne's a little bitch.

[wizzardly]

What, Lucifer just let someone else take over?

And he shouldn't hold it for too long then; coups are something of a demonic pastime.

[kickingand]

Not exactly, no.

Considering the last Knight of Hell that I killed was planning on taking over? Believe me. I know.

[wizzardly]

[well, as if Rincewind needed another reason to be glad he was able to give Dean the slip that night, here's another one. Unseen, he grimaces.]

I helped unintentionally with my Hell's last overthrow. I think. ...Pretty sure. I take it you aren't after the position yourself?

[kickingand]

You think? [ Dude, how do you not know for sure. ] But yeah no, herding demons'd require a kind of pay raise that doesn't even exist. I don't need to rule Hell, I'm just enjoying the benefits.

[wizzardly]

I was somewhat preoccupied with just trying to escape Hell at the time.

[a pause.]

...Do those benefits have anything to do with that mark?

[kickingand]

Seems reasonable. Place is kind of a bummer.

[ ... snort. ] They might. Why, would it make you feel better if I was born with 'em?

[wizzardly]

Not worth a holiday, certainly. But that's what happens when a thirteen-year-old demonologist mistakes you for a demon.

[mostly he's just curious what the hell it is. Getting info out of Dean over the phone instead of in person seems to be working out for him. ]

Oh, no. I was more wondering what it does.