"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
You remind me of someone I knew once. The youngest son of the richest family in Westeros. But a black sheep in a way. A dwarf of all things who thought he was a clever, clever man. He was a bit of a drunkard, like yourself. And he underestimated me, also like yourself. He tried to make a pawn of me in a little game of his. And wouldn't you know? He found he was not as clever as me in the end.
All I will say is the last I heard of his whereabouts, he found himself captured by slavers who wished to cut off his cock and fetch a good price for it. While I still remain in the Lannister's good graces.
[ And then, cruelly: ]
I wonder what price Lucifer might pay for your cock. If a dwarf's is said to house magical power, I imagine it can be said a wizard's is twice as powerful.
[...well this has taken a turn. Rincewind wishes he had a good retort for that, but honestly the implications here are somewhat unsettling and also, well, let's be frank: talk of losing one's cock tends to promote caution in a man.]
...A few things there. The first I should mention is that having spent a fair bit of time in taverns with dwarves, I can assure you that the only things magical about them are there livers. Certainly not their cocks. I assume. That last bit goes double for wizards. So. No sale value there.
[a nervous beat.]
...The second would be that you are indeed implying you had this man exiled or otherwise sold into slavery? Am I getting that right?
They do not actually have to be magical in order to make a sale. And I am certain the devil has many who would be willing to pay the price for the lie.
[ The sneer can pretty much be heard in his tone. But the second question eases his anger and he calmly replies. ]
Oh, I did far worse to him than that. But more or less, yes. You do not want to cross me, Rincewind.
Do you know his mind so well now? [in a disgruntled mutter.
But he's careful of the volume, because it's true this change in topic has - given Rincewind something to think about. Worryingly. This is the first time he's heard Baelish make a pointed threat, much less imply that he's already carried out such against someone else.]
She'd only scold me again. She's fond of that. Then I'd apologize and she'd give some short speech regarding the gods or the power of Light and following the path of righteousness, and we'd be done with it.
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In my defense, presuming to arrange a weekly commitment for me does seem like the action of a drugged man. I was concerned.
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[ And then, cruelly: ]
I wonder what price Lucifer might pay for your cock. If a dwarf's is said to house magical power, I imagine it can be said a wizard's is twice as powerful.
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...A few things there. The first I should mention is that having spent a fair bit of time in taverns with dwarves, I can assure you that the only things magical about them are there livers. Certainly not their cocks. I assume. That last bit goes double for wizards. So. No sale value there.
[a nervous beat.]
...The second would be that you are indeed implying you had this man exiled or otherwise sold into slavery? Am I getting that right?
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[ The sneer can pretty much be heard in his tone. But the second question eases his anger and he calmly replies. ]
Oh, I did far worse to him than that. But more or less, yes. You do not want to cross me, Rincewind.
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But he's careful of the volume, because it's true this change in topic has - given Rincewind something to think about. Worryingly. This is the first time he's heard Baelish make a pointed threat, much less imply that he's already carried out such against someone else.]
...I'll try to remember that.
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[ Short. Clipped. To the point. This is the only warning he's going to give Rincewind. ]
And I would say you owe me for not branding you a liar to the Princess.
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She'd only scold me again. She's fond of that. Then I'd apologize and she'd give some short speech regarding the gods or the power of Light and following the path of righteousness, and we'd be done with it.
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[ Plainly said. ]
And from the sounds of things, it seems to me as though you enjoy being scolded.
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[mild suspicion in his voice. Are you about to make this weird, Baelish? Don't make this weird.]
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[ Absolutely making it weird. ]
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It's called hanging up on someone.]
text;
In the end, you cannot say you did not bring what happens to you next on yourself.