"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
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[ Because really, what choice did Rincewind have? It was either that or look like the bad guy. ]
Who knows. Perhaps he will provide more than enough drink for you to mildly enjoy yourself.
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Enjoy your celebration in the meantime.