wizzardly | IC CONTACT

Entry tags:

!mom,
* ic contact

IC CONTACT

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You aren't sleeping with guys? So...

Oh my god you-

[The look of horror may be slightly real.]

How could you? To luggage?

[still flushed with embarrassment, Rincewind scrambles up off the bed to point an accusing finger.]

- You had better not be suggesting what I think you're suggesting! Let's make this very clear, all right? I'm not sleeping with anyone or anything! I haven't since - since -

[he has to take a moment here.]

- Well it's been at least a decade. [a pause.] If. That time counted. Anyway, anyway, that still doesn't answer why you think I'd be the best person to find someone for Will.

Well. You'll pick a good person. And not just a hot one. Like Jeff. Or crazy. Like Fred. So.

Because you have no lust. I guess.

Worse, you say? Oh my. I never would have guessed that such a horrid vice could tarnish the soul of such a noble Lord!

But fear not! It is as I have said: I am a healer of the highest calibre, and that goes for souls as well as bodies! No one could possibly be better suited to this task. I shall guide him back onto the path of righteousness, or my name isn't L'Arachel, beautiful banisher of darkness!

--Now, are you quite certain he would reject aid if he knew you were involved? I would dearly love to invite him along to some of our upcoming dinners...

I just knew I could count on you, I really did.

[lucky this is voice, because there's no way Rincewind could hope to disguise the look of malevolent glee taking over his lips.]

And it's a shame, it really is, but he's convinced himself I'm out to get him. I'm afraid I'll just have to keep my distance for the sake of his healing. It's quite the sacrifice, I know, but it's one I'm willing to make. For him.

...Well that last part sounds inaccurate. But of course I'd take all factors into account. I might not have experience with it, but I know it's no small thing, taking a wife. There are - steps involved. Things to account for.

[it would have to be done right. Probably paperwork should be involved.]

Oh, how selfless of you! I knew all along you had such goodness in your heart, you know. For your sake, I shall have to set him right quickly.

[Rincewind you are horrible and you should feel horrible.]

[he doesn't though, he feels great.]

I've nothing but faith that you'll drag him back to health, no matter how that lying, demon drug addiction fights you. Gods bless you, princess.

See you this weekend for dinner.

I don't- so if you like girls, why do you have to sleep with other guy wizards?

Right, and I believe that about does it for the Topic of Rincewind tonight. Have you any other conversation starters?

No, no, no. This is important. I need to know how you'll choose Will's future bride.

...Well it'd take a bit of research, I suppose. Perhaps just keep an eye out for women who seem nice and take a few notes on them. Can't have it be someone allergic to dogs, after all. Or someone who thinks fish should be allowed to vote, that sort of thing.

But what kind did you go for. You're not playing the virgin card, right?

I'm not a virgin. [with a huff.]

But I don't know, just... kind women, I suppose. Things like lovely hair or a nice bottom are all well and good, but it's not much of an indicator on whether you'll be slapped or not.

[mostly Rincewind didn't "go" for women so much as stumble awkwardly into one or two who looked at him and shrugged.]

Edited 2016-05-24 04:24 (UTC)