"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
[Rincewind draws up his legs, curling further into the chair. There's little left in his glass now - most of it has already seeped in like a warm blanket. He can't imagine how Chilton hasn't already passed out yet, given what he knows the man has had tonight.]
Well, when the alternative is drowning. [lightly. He suspects he's being mollified, but he's fine moving on - the universe has a habit of snatching good things away if he brings too much attention to them.]
Last one then. ...I did think cat was rather apt. [thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling.] Bit too independent, maybe. Although I suppose it depends on the cat. ...Octopus? They're intelligent, I've read. Bit secretive. They can do that thing with the ink. Or is that squids? ...No, no, on second thought that's not quite suitable either...
[strap in, Chilton, apparently this is now a matter of Great Importance.]
[Said Chilton, his attempt to mollify Rincewind by downplaying this matter of Great Importance. It occurred to the psychiatrist that his friend might get a little invested in the game -- often individuals who suffered from constant anxiety and, in Rincewind's case, paranoia for their own safety put strategic emphasis on the little things that they could control.
And he is polite, of course. Polite-ish anyway. He waits for Rincewind to get home and gives him some time to do...whatever. Change, take a shower, the wind down routine. And in the meantime, he eats two bananas because bananas are delicious and he's starting to wonder if he should try for a mulch pile or if he should just feed Luggage peels. Both are good for the environment.
When he approaches the door, he does not have a banana with him. It's fun in theory but conversation works just as well. Will's had enough time to settle, so he comes to the door and knocks quietly without standing around and staring at it like "why is this my life why has it led me to this specific situation what did I do wrong how could this happen to me I made my mistakes."]
[a touch hurried, like he can feel the clock ticking down on his window of opportunity. When the light-bulb finally goes off, it's with a snap of fingers and a look of triumph.]
- Ferret! There it is, that's it. Absolutely. They're clever, but they aren't the bastards that weasels are. Bit cute and fluffy, really. And they ferret things away - I mean of course, being ferrets - and their curiosity gets them into trouble but they're small and quick enough to usually get out of it again.
[Rincewind folds his arms smugly, looking exceedingly proud of himself to have ended the game on a proper note.]
[he's changed back into his moth-eaten wizard's robes and patched trousers, another of April's "borrowed" blouses placed neatly back inside the Luggage until his next library shift.
A woman's soulful voice is crackling from his record player before he hears the knock and shuts it off, and it's testament to Rincewind's growing sense of security within the Ludgate-Graham house that he only waits a moment after hearing Will's voice to open the door. He even smiles a little - if still nervously, because it's entirely possible Will could have horrible, terrible news. Like Petyr Baelish winning an important election. Something crazy.]
Not even a little bit, it's glorious. You're welcome to come in if you like. Everything, er, all right, is it?
[Very understandable. April has fantastic shirts, Will also has a small collection of them he prefers to wear. This is maybe the talk for that but haha not happening.
He steps up to lean against the door frame, casual, hands in his pockets. It's a simple sort of move but one that gives him enough space to stop any door slammings should they occur. Personal invasion in small, socially acceptable increments...]
No, no. Things are fine. Not coming around with bad news or. More responsibilities. [He just wanted to see his buddy, okay, no agenda here. He's a little behind on Westerosi invasions. Forgive him. It was airing steadily while he was in prison. Blame Chilton.] Heard you had a date. How'd that go?
[he's still in the library when he gets the call. More precisely, he's in one of the library's supply closets, because the Head Librarian gave him quite the earful for his reaction following the vote results.
It was a loud reaction. There were gestures.
So: the closet. Where he can curse more quietly, and try to key in search terms on his communicator like 'What can an Ambassador actually do' and 'can you make people vote again' and 'why is my life a constant parade of waking and sleeping nightmares'.
It's right after he's hit enter on that last search that Baelish calls him. Rincewind's forehead hits the wall. He lets it stay there while he answers, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut, one foot in an empty mop bucket because it's not a very big closet.
Lucky this isn't video.]
You're giving me - entirely too much credit. Which is, I think, the first time I can actually accuse you of that.
I suppose you'll want victory posters printed now?
I had not even thought of that. That would be a fantastic idea. You are so full of them. I imagine I have chosen the best person to act as my campaign manager.
And what a short and terrible profession that has been, let me tell you. [bitter, biting defeat laced through every word, sarcasm so rich and thick you could drizzle it over waffles. They aren't speaking in public; there's no point pretending.] It was a bit like being a royal taste tester for poison, only without even the benefit of free food.
But congratulations. The campaign's over. You beat the potent opposition of a dog and an old man who looks one evil laugh away from locking princesses in towers.
[ Taking that mockery of Rincewind's and twisting it into something that sounds like genuine gratitude. ]
It must bother you, doesn't it? Not that I've won, but that I have such influence in the imPort community I could steer De Chima's victory in the exact direction I had wanted as well. Let's face it. Queen Lucy hardly campaigned. But I reached out, I whispered in support of her name to all those who listened. And she won by such a dramatically large margin.
[he sends a baleful look at the closet wall since he doesn't have Baelish to glare at. (Which is honestly for the best - Rincewind finds it much easier to speak freely over these communicators than in person.)]
She hardly needed to campaign - she's a young, lovely, softly-spoken Queen. [and weren't her competition two odd teenagers and a terrifying sorcerer? Rincewind shakes his head. Even he voted for her, even knowing she had Baelish's support.
You're so proud of that. Why? What does she offer you?
[just a friendly visit. Casual chat. Right. Okay. That sets off about a million alarms because it's Rincewind, so of course it does, but he only frowns lightly and folds his arms - waiting for the inevitable second shoe to drop.
It's coming. He know it's coming. Being told there's no trouble or responsibilities to be had is too suspiciously reassuring.
- Ah, and there it is.]
Jeff told you, did he? [the wizard arches a brow then glances away just in time to making 'shooing' noises at the Luggage when it starts jumping on his bed. The chest settles again, reluctantly.] It was... it was nice. I mean, some things could have gone better -
[he wished he'd known what 'burlesque' meant, for a start, and a certain demon could have stayed at home.]
- but I like her. She's nice. A good time, really. [Rincewind slowly makes eye contact again.] Harley Quinn? Have you met her?
I put her there. Every step of the way. I convinced her to run, and I convinced others to vote for her. She is the shining display of what I can accomplish when I set my mind to it.
And contrary to what you believe -- that there must be something in it for me, I merely support her leadership. I saw her potential and have been telling her from the very moment I met her she must step into the spotlight and let others see it as well. She will excel in this position. And I look forward to seeing how she grows.
You wound me. Who doesn't wish to see their closest of friends succeed? Except you, perhaps. Since you are so doomed to failure, I imagine you would much rather your friends also join you at the bottom.
[Harley Quinn? Jesus. Of course she would be Jeff's pick; she didn't seem the type to run away from a bad date. Unless the date was literally murdering her, and Rincewind wasn't on that level. Good choice. Now he wonders what shit went down past "but why would I put a thin sleeve of anything on my penis?" God help him.]
Course. She seems—yeah, a good time. Fun. [A+ rocking hot bod. Tough as nails, too, to deal with Crane often. He wonders if Rincewind is aware of that connection. He doesn't verbalize his worry though, eyes settling on the bottomless chest.] What coulda gone better, you think? If you go on another date...we can talk it out. Make things smoother next time around.
[His elbow slides a little further down the frame. A little further in the room. Invasions are slow in hopes of being permitted.]
Yes, well, one of the last times we spoke you threatened to turn one of your 'closest friends' over to the devil just to spite me. So you'll forgive me if I think we've got different ideas about friendship.
...And you know, the bottom isn't an uncomfortable place to be until people like you go stepping on heads.
Only to spite you. I would also rather see Frederick succeed.
[ He just loathes Rincewind more than he likes Chilton. ]
Unfortunately for you, there will always be people like me. So I am surprised, really. That you have not grown accustomed to being used like a doormat.
Oh? Have you... gone on a lot of them? Dates, I mean.
[a hesitation - he's not entirely sure he wants to have this conversation - but he's already asked his question, shown interest. Might as well. At least it's with Will, who he's fairly sure won't ridicule him.
Since the Luggage has cleared off, he goes to sit on the edge of his bed. Plenty of room for full-scale invasions now, if certain enterprising factions want to march in the banana battalion.]
It was only - well, we were interrupted at one point. That couldn't be helped. But I also thought a 'burlesque' was something a little fancier than it was. And. More clothed.
The dinner was very good though, and she gets on with the Luggage. We'd met once before - she gave me a bunch of beer if I agreed to bring the Luggage over to take care of a rat problem for her. I was surprised when Jeff set up the date with her in mind; I thought for sure he'd choose someone terrible or dangerous.
Good to know I can still surprise you. [his voice is a dry mutter.
Rincewind turns around so he's leaning back against the wall, staring miserably up the ceiling. He can't stop picturing how self-satisfied Baelish must look, can practically hear the crooning, pseudo-humble tones he'll use when he inevitably posts to thank the imPort community for voting him into a position of power. And then... and then...]
...So what now? Going to fix roads and fund orphanages?
[Keeping that romance alive one weird as hell date at a time. Will crosses to lean against Rincewind's desk, absorbing...okay. He gets it even better now. Why Jeff chose Harley. Why safe sex may have come up without, uh, other things coming up. This might not be as weird as feared. He also makes a note to himself to look into Harley more, but that's for later. Maybe bug Crane about her.]
Kinda difficult to explain burlesque. One of those things you gotta see for yourself to understand. [He offers a faint smile, not overly amused and certainly not judging.] Sounds like you really did have a good time, Rincewind. I'm happy for you. Do you want to take her out again? Get to know her better?
Nothing so boring. What I proposed in my campaign is what I am going to do next. Bring business to Maurtia Falls. Establish affluence in the city to redirect the cash flow away from criminal activity. Once I am sworn into office, I will begin the negotiations with government officials from there.
[ A pause, and you can practically hear the smirk as it forms on his lips. ]
Do not think for a moment simply because I won this campaign that I am done with your services, however. There is still much you can do for the Baelish campaign. Starting with my grand celebration this evening.
...You're joking. [the wizard feels like he's been strapped to an executioner's table, and that swinging blade just keeps getting lower... and lower.]
That's - of course I'm damn well done with the campaign, the campaign is over, you won, you don't still campaign after you win! That's the whole bloody point!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wizzardly
no subject
Date: 2016-06-24 04:32 am (UTC)[The question bought him a moment to consider his response to Rincewind's question.]
Softer, more approachable. You've attracted plenty of positive attention here, haven't you? Metaphorically keeping your head above water.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-24 06:20 pm (UTC)Well, when the alternative is drowning. [lightly. He suspects he's being mollified, but he's fine moving on - the universe has a habit of snatching good things away if he brings too much attention to them.]
Last one then. ...I did think cat was rather apt. [thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling.] Bit too independent, maybe. Although I suppose it depends on the cat. ...Octopus? They're intelligent, I've read. Bit secretive. They can do that thing with the ink. Or is that squids? ...No, no, on second thought that's not quite suitable either...
[strap in, Chilton, apparently this is now a matter of Great Importance.]
no subject
Date: 2016-06-26 04:26 pm (UTC)[Said Chilton, his attempt to mollify Rincewind by downplaying this matter of Great Importance. It occurred to the psychiatrist that his friend might get a little invested in the game -- often individuals who suffered from constant anxiety and, in Rincewind's case, paranoia for their own safety put strategic emphasis on the little things that they could control.
Like word association games.]
action; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydrtF45-y-g
Date: 2016-06-28 03:04 am (UTC)And he is polite, of course. Polite-ish anyway. He waits for Rincewind to get home and gives him some time to do...whatever. Change, take a shower, the wind down routine. And in the meantime, he eats two bananas because bananas are delicious and he's starting to wonder if he should try for a mulch pile or if he should just feed Luggage peels. Both are good for the environment.
When he approaches the door, he does not have a banana with him. It's fun in theory but conversation works just as well. Will's had enough time to settle, so he comes to the door and knocks quietly without standing around and staring at it like "why is this my life why has it led me to this specific situation what did I do wrong how could this happen to me I made my mistakes."]
You busy?
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 04:27 am (UTC)I am certain you've seen the results of the election by now.
[ An arrogant pause to bask in his victory. ]
I couldn't have done it without your help, my friend.
[ Every word a twist of the knife. ]
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 05:01 am (UTC)[a touch hurried, like he can feel the clock ticking down on his window of opportunity. When the light-bulb finally goes off, it's with a snap of fingers and a look of triumph.]
- Ferret! There it is, that's it. Absolutely. They're clever, but they aren't the bastards that weasels are. Bit cute and fluffy, really. And they ferret things away - I mean of course, being ferrets - and their curiosity gets them into trouble but they're small and quick enough to usually get out of it again.
[Rincewind folds his arms smugly, looking exceedingly proud of himself to have ended the game on a proper note.]
Ferret.
/plays on a loop
Date: 2016-06-28 05:27 am (UTC)A woman's soulful voice is crackling from his record player before he hears the knock and shuts it off, and it's testament to Rincewind's growing sense of security within the Ludgate-Graham house that he only waits a moment after hearing Will's voice to open the door. He even smiles a little - if still nervously, because it's entirely possible Will could have horrible, terrible news. Like Petyr Baelish winning an important election. Something crazy.]
Not even a little bit, it's glorious. You're welcome to come in if you like. Everything, er, all right, is it?
- You aren't leaving the country again, are you?
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 05:42 am (UTC)He steps up to lean against the door frame, casual, hands in his pockets. It's a simple sort of move but one that gives him enough space to stop any door slammings should they occur. Personal invasion in small, socially acceptable increments...]
No, no. Things are fine. Not coming around with bad news or. More responsibilities. [He just wanted to see his buddy, okay, no agenda here. He's a little behind on Westerosi invasions. Forgive him. It was airing steadily while he was in prison. Blame Chilton.] Heard you had a date. How'd that go?
[No. Agenda. At. All.]
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 05:48 am (UTC)It was a loud reaction. There were gestures.
So: the closet. Where he can curse more quietly, and try to key in search terms on his communicator like 'What can an Ambassador actually do' and 'can you make people vote again' and 'why is my life a constant parade of waking and sleeping nightmares'.
It's right after he's hit enter on that last search that Baelish calls him. Rincewind's forehead hits the wall. He lets it stay there while he answers, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes screwed shut, one foot in an empty mop bucket because it's not a very big closet.
Lucky this isn't video.]
You're giving me - entirely too much credit. Which is, I think, the first time I can actually accuse you of that.
I suppose you'll want victory posters printed now?
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 05:55 am (UTC)audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 06:07 am (UTC)But congratulations. The campaign's over. You beat the potent opposition of a dog and an old man who looks one evil laugh away from locking princesses in towers.
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 07:22 pm (UTC)[ Taking that mockery of Rincewind's and twisting it into something that sounds like genuine gratitude. ]
It must bother you, doesn't it? Not that I've won, but that I have such influence in the imPort community I could steer De Chima's victory in the exact direction I had wanted as well. Let's face it. Queen Lucy hardly campaigned. But I reached out, I whispered in support of her name to all those who listened. And she won by such a dramatically large margin.
[ Yeah. He is ABSOLUTELY taking credit for it. ]
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 07:39 pm (UTC)[he sends a baleful look at the closet wall since he doesn't have Baelish to glare at. (Which is honestly for the best - Rincewind finds it much easier to speak freely over these communicators than in person.)]
She hardly needed to campaign - she's a young, lovely, softly-spoken Queen. [and weren't her competition two odd teenagers and a terrifying sorcerer? Rincewind shakes his head. Even he voted for her, even knowing she had Baelish's support.
You're so proud of that. Why? What does she offer you?
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 07:44 pm (UTC)It's coming. He know it's coming. Being told there's no trouble or responsibilities to be had is too suspiciously reassuring.
- Ah, and there it is.]
Jeff told you, did he? [the wizard arches a brow then glances away just in time to making 'shooing' noises at the Luggage when it starts jumping on his bed. The chest settles again, reluctantly.] It was... it was nice. I mean, some things could have gone better -
[he wished he'd known what 'burlesque' meant, for a start, and a certain demon could have stayed at home.]
- but I like her. She's nice. A good time, really. [Rincewind slowly makes eye contact again.] Harley Quinn? Have you met her?
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 07:53 pm (UTC)And contrary to what you believe -- that there must be something in it for me, I merely support her leadership. I saw her potential and have been telling her from the very moment I met her she must step into the spotlight and let others see it as well. She will excel in this position. And I look forward to seeing how she grows.
Re: audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 08:00 pm (UTC)Don't go pretending at altruism with me now, Lord Baelish, it's a bit late in the game for that.
audio;
Date: 2016-06-28 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 08:20 pm (UTC)Course. She seems—yeah, a good time. Fun. [A+ rocking hot bod. Tough as nails, too, to deal with Crane often. He wonders if Rincewind is aware of that connection. He doesn't verbalize his worry though, eyes settling on the bottomless chest.] What coulda gone better, you think? If you go on another date...we can talk it out. Make things smoother next time around.
[His elbow slides a little further down the frame. A little further in the room. Invasions are slow in hopes of being permitted.]
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 08:35 pm (UTC)...And you know, the bottom isn't an uncomfortable place to be until people like you go stepping on heads.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 09:04 pm (UTC)[ He just loathes Rincewind more than he likes Chilton. ]
Unfortunately for you, there will always be people like me. So I am surprised, really. That you have not grown accustomed to being used like a doormat.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 09:32 pm (UTC)[a hesitation - he's not entirely sure he wants to have this conversation - but he's already asked his question, shown interest. Might as well. At least it's with Will, who he's fairly sure won't ridicule him.
Since the Luggage has cleared off, he goes to sit on the edge of his bed. Plenty of room for full-scale invasions now, if certain enterprising factions want to march in the banana battalion.]
It was only - well, we were interrupted at one point. That couldn't be helped. But I also thought a 'burlesque' was something a little fancier than it was. And. More clothed.
The dinner was very good though, and she gets on with the Luggage. We'd met once before - she gave me a bunch of beer if I agreed to bring the Luggage over to take care of a rat problem for her. I was surprised when Jeff set up the date with her in mind; I thought for sure he'd choose someone terrible or dangerous.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 09:44 pm (UTC)Rincewind turns around so he's leaning back against the wall, staring miserably up the ceiling. He can't stop picturing how self-satisfied Baelish must look, can practically hear the crooning, pseudo-humble tones he'll use when he inevitably posts to thank the imPort community for voting him into a position of power. And then... and then...]
...So what now? Going to fix roads and fund orphanages?
no subject
Date: 2016-06-28 10:06 pm (UTC)[Keeping that romance alive one weird as hell date at a time. Will crosses to lean against Rincewind's desk, absorbing...okay. He gets it even better now. Why Jeff chose Harley. Why safe sex may have come up without, uh, other things coming up. This might not be as weird as feared. He also makes a note to himself to look into Harley more, but that's for later. Maybe bug Crane about her.]
Kinda difficult to explain burlesque. One of those things you gotta see for yourself to understand. [He offers a faint smile, not overly amused and certainly not judging.] Sounds like you really did have a good time, Rincewind. I'm happy for you. Do you want to take her out again? Get to know her better?
[u wanna have safe sex maybe]
no subject
Date: 2016-06-29 03:11 am (UTC)[ A pause, and you can practically hear the smirk as it forms on his lips. ]
Do not think for a moment simply because I won this campaign that I am done with your services, however. There is still much you can do for the Baelish campaign. Starting with my grand celebration this evening.
no subject
Date: 2016-06-29 03:26 am (UTC)That's - of course I'm damn well done with the campaign, the campaign is over, you won, you don't still campaign after you win! That's the whole bloody point!
What celebration? What are you talking about?