"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."
[oh no, it's even worse than the vending machine.]
Don't - don't say it like that, like it's something I actually did.
[which was dissolving the protection keeping Chilton and the Resistance safe, and being the key to let Stark and the other Soldats through to do what they did best.]
I was stuck in that bloody dreamworld, the same as you were!
- He's not an idiot. Just because he doesn't talk as much as other people, don't call him that.
And they'd have killed me the moment I was somewhere they hadn't put me. [Rincewind's tone sharpens, defensive.] I've got - I've got the memories of months of torture that never really happened. Do you have that? Being tied to chairs for those damn videos of theirs, and testing that bloody stupid power of mine, and pain, and them threatening to hobble my legs.
...And d'you really think I was going to risk running from the Soldats just to end up part of the Resistance? [he scoffs bitterly.] They'd have just used me as well. Sent me right back into it, no matter my opinion. Probably under the same sort of guard.
You are right, I was much too generous -- he is an utter moron. But he remains a moron for reasons entirely unrelated to his reticence. I have faith in your ability to see the truth, once he's ditched you.
[It struck Chilton as almost cruel that Petyr Baelish hadn't illuminated Mormont's only true affiliation to Rincewind. But then again, he supposed, punchlines were not intended to be merciful.]
... Used you just as well? Sent you back into that? Do you really think so lowly of Daenerys? [Chilton's own tone betrayed a surprise; surely no one thought such horrid things about her. But more to the point:] I would not say that in his company, not if you wished to remain in it for just a bit longer.
[Bitterly:] He would never have given up something he had wanted to save you. Not as I have. Does that mean nothing?
[once he's ditched you. There's a phrase to coil in Rincewind's stomach like a tapeworm. He stamps it down for now.
(But it will be back, later - thoughts like those always are.)]
It's nothing to do with what I think of her, I hardly know her. But I know rulers. And I know war, and rebellions, and I'll tell you, everyone thinks they've got some moral high-ground up until the moment they need something from someone who refuses to give it. Then it's all "for the greater good" and "important sacrifice", and they're as willing to prod that nobility from a person with the end of a sword as anyone else.
[how many times has Rincewind seen it before? Too many to count. Those nights spent dreaming were some of the most like home as any he'd spent here.]
And of course it means something, of course I'm grateful. You keep - saying these things like I chose Jorah over you. That's not it at all. You don't... need to keep trying to make it sound like he's not actually a friend to me.
[please. please stop. with that in particular.]
I wouldn't have gone after you, specifically; I was only doing what I had to. You can't tell me that if they'd gotten their hands on you, that you wouldn't have done the same.
I hadn't done the same. I was in the same nightmare world as you and I had not done the same. Just because I wasn't caught -- chased but never caught --
[He stopped, abruptly. Blaming Rincewind for his own misfortune wasn't the track he wanted to run, Chilton simply wanted him to know what it was like -- to understand the danger in trusting fair-haired men who obsessed (even lusted) after a magnetic third party. The peril in being over enthusiastic with an untried, unknown individual couldn't be explained enough.]
I know trauma. I know betrayal -- intimately. I -- he had my very face collapse in! He had me shot in the face. [A different he, but one of whom Chilton had already been projecting onto Jorah.] I was further down his personal hierarchy than I had thought. A mere play thing. Just as you are with Mormont.
[too many emotions clash at once for Rincewind to say anything at first. There's a lull.
Jorah's not the same as your Hannibal. [his voice sounds weaker than he intended.] You can't even bloody well compare the two, you - you can't.
He probably doesn't care about me as much as some others, I know. You're probably right there. [it's the place he's used to occupying, despite some strides made in this world.] And I wouldn't ask him to put me above his queen anyway.
No one is the same as Hannibal. That is half his anguish.
[He doesn't say my Hannibal. He does not claim possession.]
But that doesn't mean there are not similarities. You watch how he looks at his queen, the one you had just insulted, you watch that and then try to tell me you're not just an amusement to pass the time while he pines for her.
[A beat. Quietly:] I would rather spare you that humiliation.
[Rincewind shirks into himself. Chilton's only trying to look out for him, the way he's always done, without Rincewind's asking him to. He knows how much he owes to Chilton. Maeve was only the most recent example - the doctor's stepped forward for him more than that, proven himself a true friend.
Maybe he's right - maybe it's only that he can see it, and you can't. Maybe you've let yourself feel too safe.
He doesn't answer. Instead, after a moment, he asks:]
What is it you meant? When you said he had your face, er. Collapse?
[he'd known Chilton was set up and injured as a result, but "collapse" was not a word that was used then.]
If he denied his gambit now, it would make him look unreliable before Rincewind -- and at a time when reliability was most prized. Backtracking would cost dearly, and Chilton was already too emotionally invested.]
I was shot. In the face. The bullet entered through my cheek, it shattered my left infraorbital foramen and fractured the zygomatic bone. Crushed my eye lens.
And then exited through my skull, just beneath the brain.
[not knowing the medical terminology doesn't lessen Rincewind's understanding: Chilton got fucked.]
How - how did you even heal from that? Was it a healer from here? Someone with magic? I just mean that you can't even tell now, but of course it still had to be bloody awful for you, ye gods.
Yes. Exactly that. How is that confusing? If ever I export again only to re-import -- you know, any healing done here, it's all undone. I would have to go through all of that again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wizzardly
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 05:16 am (UTC)Don't - don't say it like that, like it's something I actually did.
[which was dissolving the protection keeping Chilton and the Resistance safe, and being the key to let Stark and the other Soldats through to do what they did best.]
I was stuck in that bloody dreamworld, the same as you were!
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 05:19 am (UTC)[There in his voice lurks a pang -- deep and throaty and fracturing by the passing moment.]
It was as if I no longer knew you.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 05:28 am (UTC)[it's a terrible sound. Rincewind feels his heart twist at hearing it.]
I didn't want to.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 06:01 am (UTC)And this isn't fair, you weren't a soldat, you don't know what it was like. There's no choice in it. I was just something to use, to them.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 07:00 am (UTC)But you needed a partner to lean on, didn't you? An idiotic one, at that.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 03:44 pm (UTC)And they'd have killed me the moment I was somewhere they hadn't put me. [Rincewind's tone sharpens, defensive.] I've got - I've got the memories of months of torture that never really happened. Do you have that? Being tied to chairs for those damn videos of theirs, and testing that bloody stupid power of mine, and pain, and them threatening to hobble my legs.
...And d'you really think I was going to risk running from the Soldats just to end up part of the Resistance? [he scoffs bitterly.] They'd have just used me as well. Sent me right back into it, no matter my opinion. Probably under the same sort of guard.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-26 10:55 pm (UTC)[It struck Chilton as almost cruel that Petyr Baelish hadn't illuminated Mormont's only true affiliation to Rincewind. But then again, he supposed, punchlines were not intended to be merciful.]
... Used you just as well? Sent you back into that? Do you really think so lowly of Daenerys? [Chilton's own tone betrayed a surprise; surely no one thought such horrid things about her. But more to the point:] I would not say that in his company, not if you wished to remain in it for just a bit longer.
[Bitterly:] He would never have given up something he had wanted to save you. Not as I have. Does that mean nothing?
no subject
Date: 2017-04-27 03:03 am (UTC)(But it will be back, later - thoughts like those always are.)]
It's nothing to do with what I think of her, I hardly know her. But I know rulers. And I know war, and rebellions, and I'll tell you, everyone thinks they've got some moral high-ground up until the moment they need something from someone who refuses to give it. Then it's all "for the greater good" and "important sacrifice", and they're as willing to prod that nobility from a person with the end of a sword as anyone else.
[how many times has Rincewind seen it before? Too many to count. Those nights spent dreaming were some of the most like home as any he'd spent here.]
And of course it means something, of course I'm grateful. You keep - saying these things like I chose Jorah over you. That's not it at all. You don't... need to keep trying to make it sound like he's not actually a friend to me.
[please. please stop. with that in particular.]
I wouldn't have gone after you, specifically; I was only doing what I had to. You can't tell me that if they'd gotten their hands on you, that you wouldn't have done the same.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-27 03:24 am (UTC)[He stopped, abruptly. Blaming Rincewind for his own misfortune wasn't the track he wanted to run, Chilton simply wanted him to know what it was like -- to understand the danger in trusting fair-haired men who obsessed (even lusted) after a magnetic third party. The peril in being over enthusiastic with an untried, unknown individual couldn't be explained enough.]
I know trauma. I know betrayal -- intimately. I -- he had my very face collapse in! He had me shot in the face. [A different he, but one of whom Chilton had already been projecting onto Jorah.] I was further down his personal hierarchy than I had thought. A mere play thing. Just as you are with Mormont.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-28 09:19 pm (UTC)Jorah's not the same as your Hannibal. [his voice sounds weaker than he intended.] You can't even bloody well compare the two, you - you can't.
He probably doesn't care about me as much as some others, I know. You're probably right there. [it's the place he's used to occupying, despite some strides made in this world.] And I wouldn't ask him to put me above his queen anyway.
...But I'm not a play thing.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 12:08 am (UTC)[He doesn't say my Hannibal. He does not claim possession.]
But that doesn't mean there are not similarities. You watch how he looks at his queen, the one you had just insulted, you watch that and then try to tell me you're not just an amusement to pass the time while he pines for her.
[A beat. Quietly:] I would rather spare you that humiliation.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 03:36 am (UTC)Maybe he's right - maybe it's only that he can see it, and you can't. Maybe you've let yourself feel too safe.
He doesn't answer. Instead, after a moment, he asks:]
What is it you meant? When you said he had your face, er. Collapse?
[he'd known Chilton was set up and injured as a result, but "collapse" was not a word that was used then.]
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 03:44 am (UTC)If he denied his gambit now, it would make him look unreliable before Rincewind -- and at a time when reliability was most prized. Backtracking would cost dearly, and Chilton was already too emotionally invested.]
I was shot. In the face. The bullet entered through my cheek, it shattered my left infraorbital foramen and fractured the zygomatic bone. Crushed my eye lens.
And then exited through my skull, just beneath the brain.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 04:47 am (UTC)[not knowing the medical terminology doesn't lessen Rincewind's understanding: Chilton got fucked.]
How - how did you even heal from that? Was it a healer from here? Someone with magic? I just mean that you can't even tell now, but of course it still had to be bloody awful for you, ye gods.
...I'm sorry. Really.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 04:54 am (UTC)I wear make-up.
1/2
Date: 2017-04-29 05:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:25 am (UTC)[debatable.]
I'm just still a bit confused. You mean you've still got a wound... that you just... hide?
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:41 am (UTC)You must be very good at makeup.
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:31 pm (UTC)[there, a little levity. How it should be between them.]
...So you aren't still upset at me?
no subject
Date: 2017-04-29 05:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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