IC CONTACT

[wizzardly]

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Comments

[wizzardly]

I imagine that's not the only thing.

[entirely intentional innuendo.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Why are you imagining that?

[NOT LETTING THE PANSEXUAL THING GO.]

[wizzardly]

[WHY NOT]

It's a turn of phrase!

[slightlyoffchilt]

All right, all right -- I won't pressure the pulse. [A beat.] You know that he is... obsessive about you, I will admit. Simply cannot help but wonder sometimes.

[wizzardly]

Obsessive? How do you mean "obsessive"? - Has he been talking about me? What's he said?

[slightlyoffchilt]

You simply seem to come up during our... Miscommunications.

[Arguments. He means arguments.]

[wizzardly]

...Like ours, do you mean?

[specifically, that one where it was miscommunicated to Chilton that Rincewind sent a deadly intelligence agent to hypnotize and harm him.]

Do those happen often?

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Uncomfortably:] Only a couple of times. He is quick to believe I would antagonize him.

I would not.

[wizzardly]

Well that's surprising. I didn't think you two could fight about anything.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I typically get along with people so well.

[wizzardly]

Oh, I'm sure it's his own issues. [not that Rincewind can pretend at sympathy in this situation either way. Added distance between the Lord and the Doctor? Good.]

I've certainly always found you charming.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Well. [Chilton preened, very nearly melting into a girlish chuckle.] Thank you. I like to think I am -- I mean, what isn't there to enjoy? Honestly.

[He wasn't honestly asking.]

[wizzardly]

You had all those people show up for your celebration, so clearly not much.

[he's still not sure how Jeff found most of them.]

Did you know all of them beforehand? Most seemed quite all right. Although I've got some names to suggest you strike off any future guest lists.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I must preface your list with an insistence that I cannot ban Reggie from future engagements.

[wizzardly]

Reg-? Oh. Him.

[not Rincewind's intended target for complaint, but certainly a suitable substitute.]

He called me a "whacko", did you know that? One of the only sane people in this whole bloody community and he's cheeky enough to say whacko.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Reggie does that. Solely to get a rise, I wouldn't take it personally. Besides -- the only professional opinion here is mine, anyway.

[wizzardly]

I'm only saying - there might be some walls for him to scrub in the new building. Trash to collect, you know. Fires to clear the soot from, depending.

[slightlyoffchilt]

He is my secretary. I doubt he would handle the trash demotion well -- wouldn't want that garbage to end up in our personal spaces, would we?

I would never accuse Reggie of subtlety after all.

[wizzardly]

Oh, if you insist. [punctuated with a half-hearted sigh.]

At least he wasn't nearly as bad as that Hemali woman.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Ah... [A long beat follows.] You are not fond of Hemali?

[wizzardly]

As fond as I ever am of terrifying women who see fit to insult and threaten me.

[slightlyoffchilt]

[Isn't that all women, Rincewind?]

... Threaten how? Is this an HR situation? Already?

[wizzardly]

"HR"?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Human Resources. The only... Understaffed department at the moment.

[wizzardly]

Sounds like a fake position to me. "Human Resources" - exactly the sort of vague nonsense you use to slip by accounting. And you should trust me on that, I worked in a University.