IC CONTACT

[wizzardly]

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Comments

[aggressiveapathy]

You're my new favorite reality show.

[She doesn't know about the others. But Jeff and Dorian? Oh god. It was all going to be so beautiful as they attempted to wingman.]

[wizzardly]

What does that mean?

[he is nervous. When April gets excited that generally means something terrible.]

[aggressiveapathy]

I want to know about all the dates they send out on- all of them. In exchange, I'll give you three lifelines.

[wizzardly]

[he has so many questions, it's hard to pick where to start.]

Lifelines?

[aggressiveapathy]

I'll help you. On your dates. You send a text or something and I'll show up and make the date end.

[wizzardly]

[which brings him to his next question.]

Why do you think they're going to get me to go on dates? That's somewhat against the point of the whole thing.

[aggressiveapathy]

Have you ever met people?

[wizzardly]

I'm not that easily persuaded, I mean.

[aggressiveapathy]

Oh my god, please.

[ She just got you to swear an oath without knowing what it was. Bro. ]

Do you want the deal or not?

[wizzardly]

...Yes.

[because of course he wants an 'out' for any hypothetical disasters.]

Agreed.

[aggressiveapathy]

Done. But I want fill reports.

[She offers her hand to shake.]

[wizzardly]

Verbal. And over drinks.

[but he'll take her hand for a firm shake.]

- And off-topic, but do you know Lord Baelish?

[aggressiveapathy]

No. But he sounds like a douche bag.

[ Anyone that goes by Lord, you know how it is. Just stupid. ]

Why?

[wizzardly]

Because he is, he's an absolute prat, and I'd like very much to perhaps do some mischief against him sometime.

...I understand you're something of an expert there.

[aggressiveapathy]

[April shifts to lean back in the pillows, clearly pleased by the turn in conversation.]

Go on.

[wizzardly]

I've no ideas yet. [a beat.] Well, I may have convinced a sort of priestess princess sort that he has a drug habit in need of "holy guidance", but that's about it.

I thought it would be good to point him out to you. Know your enemy, sort of thing.

[aggressiveapathy]

So what do you know? C'mon. Spill. This is a house war.

[wizzardly]

Oh it's nothing as serious as that. [reluctantly admitted.]

He's only a bastard Lord who thinks it fine to insult and poke at me because he thinks I'll put up with it. [and with anyone Rincewind saw as a threat - which is generally most everyone - he would. But Petyr has well and truly gotten under the wizard's skin, and he has no terrifying muscles or powers to cow him into non-action.

Not to mention that after this whole business with Lucifer, Rincewind is a little desperate for some sense of control - any control. Controlling how annoyed Petyr is seems a fine place to start. Downright therapeutic.]

He's also absolutely trying to flatter Chilton into - into something but I can't figure out what. Just rather slimy and unpleasant all around. Grand vizier sort, you know. Even if he isn't actually.

[aggressiveapathy]

God, he's only a slutty shrink. Why do people even-

[But it's a Baltimore thing, she guessed. Like Will attracting serial killers, Fred got egomaniacs. Maybe he'd had a threesome with this Lord and Raina already.]

So how bad do you want him to...rue. Things.

[wizzardly]

['Enough to make me feel better' isn't exactly quantifiable, so give him a minute here.]

On a scale of one to ten... let's say a four.

[it's probably best he be careful, considering he doesn't yet know how far April's scale goes; witches and vengeance sometimes pair a little too well.]

[aggressiveapathy]

Okay. So. Invite him over. We'll make something happen.

[ A something left very intentionally, clearly vague. ]

[wizzardly]

...Right, okay, I was thinking something less ominous. Also possibly not immediately traceable back to me. In case.

[aggressiveapathy]

...I don't get it.

[ Seriously. She is just leaning back on the bed, looking at him in confusion. ]

How is it fun to mess with someone if they don't know it's you?

[wizzardly]

That's the most fun because then they can't retaliate against you.

[patiently.]

[aggressiveapathy]

But then you can't, like, rub it in their face.

[ And don't get the fun of trying to stop them from getting revenge. Or getting re-revenge- wait. ]

That doesn't sound fun.