IC CONTACT

[wizzardly]

VOICEMAIL:

"Er... yes, okay, I suppose I should tell you that if you're trying to reach me I'm not here, and if you're trying to reach me because you want to do something involving pointy bits of metal or otherwise painful objects, I'm never going to be here. So sorry."

Comments

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind finishes tying his robe, and frowns.]

I think I've missed an important step here. What do you want me telling you, exactly? ...Is it about this argument between you?

[aggressiveapathy]

Ha!

[ She points, like she's made a major....point. Shh. ]

Tell me what you think you know.

[wizzardly]

...That you blame him for Will's murder.

[a pause. Rincewind's mouth screws up bitterly, and he folds his arms.]

I don't want to be involved in this, you know. I didn't ask to be.

[aggressiveapathy]

No one asks for Baltimore. It just sinks into you. Like a yeast infection. Or lice.

[ She throws herself on the best with that, lying down with her feet on the ground now. ]

Or groin lice.

[wizzardly]

That's disgusting. I didn't ask for that mental image either.

[frowning at her, but he'll sit. On his chair. At his desk.]

[aggressiveapathy]

This is it. So you know. If you want to ask...I'm literally on your bed. If you don't....fine. But. That's how it is. It's not my fault you didn't ask.

[wizzardly]

Rather unfair of you, barging in to raise a topic and then relying on me to continue it.

...You may as well say your side of things. Why you don't like him, at least. If I don't ask further than that, well - that's my choice, as you said. But you clearly came in wanting to say something.

[aggressiveapathy]

He threw Will at the guy when he started acting crazy. Instead of taking care of the asshole himself, he used my husband to be a stick to poke the bear. I just...wanted to say that. And then he wrote a book about 'helping' the guy that killed Will. So you know why he likes doing psych stuff.

[ She rolls on the bed so she's curled around a pillow, not looking at the wizard. There's no particular emotion in her voice. Just getting it out so Fred didn't have the only word. ]

You can buy the book at any local store.

[...okay. That was acidic. Just that last bit. ]

[wizzardly]

[oh, that's uncomfortable, seeing that show of emotion, her curling away. Rincewind chews at his lower lips, arms still folded but his shoulders losing their tension.]

He said he didn't know. I don't - I think it's dangerous as hell, trying to specialize in people like that, violent sorts, but you've got to admit they're unpredictable. And probably those are the sorts who get books sold, and that has something to do with it. I'm not saying I agree with it.

...Or that Will had to go through it. Or you.

But he did say he didn't know.

[aggressiveapathy]

If he didn't know, he'd send the police. You send the police after normal people.

[ She stays still, just breathing in...lavender. Luggage turf, and it's nice and familiar now. So she's not trying to scare him away. ]

But I'm pissed at him. Because he's a really shitty friend. But. Will loves him. So...

Yeah. You do what you want. I don't care. You die, now you knew. Like Will did. Does.

[wizzardly]

I'm not going to say he doesn't have some blame in it.

[it would be harder to say Chilton didn't. Rincewind wasn't there, was never involved, the truth is often muddled somewhere between two biased stories. But he does believe whatever blame the man has owed him, it was unintentional. The sin of ignorant ambition, perhaps.]

Certainly you've got every right to still be angry your husband was murdered. Gods. I can't imagine. Just... [he fidgets uncomfortably. That "you die" was unsettling, churns his stomach.] ...He's been rather kind to me, actually. Helpful. Much the same as you two have been. So it's - it's not going to come down to choosing sides, is it?

[aggressiveapathy]

Nah. There's...it's a shitshow. All around. But I'm right.

[ Her and Will versus Will and Chilton and just...ugh. ]

But. I know he's been bitchy with the whole...I don't know. Sexing you to sleep or whatever. So. Yeah.

[wizzardly]

[HAHA WHAT WOW

Rincewind's ears go bright pink, and he tugs his hat down so far it covers his eyes completely.]

That's not what it is! And it's - it's fine, it's not... ideal, obviously, but there are pills and things. It'd be a bit much, me expecting all this to blow over just so I can sleep better. I'm not asking that.

[and he's inordinately relieved that she's not asking him to choose, that she doesn't seem inclined to hate him for trying to maintain what have been two good relationships for him.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ She can't even ask Will to chose, how could she push it on other people? Fred is the devil, sure. But so are half the people in this place. So. All she can do is do what works for her. In this case it involves rolling in his sheets, because maybe luggage uses a little more softener than she's used to. ]

So it's just the cuddling after? That helps.

[wizzardly]

...You're just teasing me now. [sullenly.

He peeks out from under his hat enough to see her rolling, and offers:]

You could have the Luggage do more of your laundry, you know. If you don't already. You'd probably have it dancing for you, it'd be so pleased.

[aggressiveapathy]

I don't know what he does. I don't know why he won't come here. I'm just saying why he's an asshole.

[ ...that she would scream at if he came here. But, whatever. he's a grown man. He can deal.]

Can't give them what they want. Then no one's happy.

[wizzardly]

[yeah, he's. Pretty sure she knows why. They've already hashed this out, as far as Rincewind's concerned, it's no party dwelling on it.]

Just do me a favor, and don't be too mean to the Luggage. The last time a woman broke its heart I lost track of it for nearly a week and it came back smelling of seaweed and spiced liquor.

[aggressiveapathy]

You're lying.

[That gets her to roll over (on his bed, a fact she's ignoring) to face him. No way the luggage had a broken heart. ]

[wizzardly]

Oh, it was sad. You wouldn't believe. [a slight, cautious smirk.]

Her name was Conina. Barbarian hero sort, lovely but absolutely terrifying. [Rincewind had quite the argument with his own libido over her, but that ended up as much of a failure as everything else in his life.]

The Luggage took quite the shine to her, but she was always put off by it. She kicked at it and sent it away from her one time it was trying to fight beside her, broke its little wooden heart in two. Sent it on quite the bender.

[aggressiveapathy]

Drank all the furniture polish it could find?

[ He is winning a war she didn't know was happening, April grinning over at him just at the joke idea of the luggage liking someone else. Please. She was a magical, once in a life time thing.

Clearly.]

Where were you?

[wizzardly]

Probably put a bar out of business, more like. It has a surprising taste for alcohol at times. It just... takes it quite a bit to effect it.

[he gets up, wandering over idly to sit on the edge of the bed.]

Oh, I was being captured at the time. Then there was the whole mess of breaking out, of course, and then a terrible trip on a flying carpet and having to stop a sourcerer from releasing the creatures of the Dungeon Dimensions and destroying the Disc. But the Luggage caught up with me eventually. [a slight smile.] It always does.

[aggressiveapathy]

[She scoots to accommodate him on the bed. Just in case, you know, he wanted to use his own bed more fully than just being shoved to an edge. April doesn't know whether to believe any of that or not- it's the exact kind of bull she'd say straight faced to people for her own entertainment. But the man did come with living luggage. Things in his world were slightly more probable than her being a vampire queen.

Also, feeding luggage alcohol was now on the list of things to do.]

You're life is either terrible or we're going into the con artist business together.

[wizzardly]

Oh, it's absolutely that first one. Did you know I was literally in hell before I came here? Bloody teenager accidentally summoned me out of the Dungeon Dimensions. Disappointing for both of us, I assure you.

[Rincewind clucks his tongue, then lets the corner of his mouth turn up in a smirk, casting April a meaningful glance.]

...No reason it couldn't be a bit of both, though. I'm quite good with a con when I need to be. I work best under pressure, of course, but - I did convince the demon guarding the gates of hell I was there as an emissary from a sort of demonic worker's union. Could make us quite the pair.

[aggressiveapathy]

[ She sits up on one elbow, smirking a little as this plan starts to come together. ]

Mm. If you're already damned, considered a career in law?

[wizzardly]

Now hold on, who says I'm damned? I wasn't dead when I went down there. Personally I'm still hoping for some sort of... beach-side afterlife.

I'd better stay away from law anyway; can't have Jeff getting too jealous, can we?